CLARIFICATION of the STIMULUS PLAN
year, taxpayers will receive an Economic
Stimulus Payment. This is a very exciting
new program that I will explain using the
Q and A format."
"Q. What is an Economic Stimulus
"A. It is money that the federal
government will send to taxpayers.
"Q. Where will the
government get this money?
"A. From taxpayers.
"Q. So the government is giving me back
my own money?
"A. No, they are borrowing it from
China. You children are expected to repay
"Q. What is the
purpose of this payment?
"A. The plan is that you will use the
money to purchase a high-definition TV
set, thus stimulating the economy.
"Q. But isn't that stimulating the
economy of China?
"A. Shut up."
Below is some
helpful advice on how to best help the US
economy by spending your stimulus check
If you spend that money at Wal-Mart, all
the money will go to China.
If you spend it on
gasoline it will go to Hugo Chavez, the
Arabs and Al Queda.
If you purchase a computer it will go to
If you purchase
fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico,
Honduras, and Guatemala (unless you buy
If you buy a car it will go to Japan and
If you purchase
prescription drugs it will go to India.
If you purchase heroin it will go to the
Taliban in Afghanistan.
If you give it to a
charitable cause, it will go to Nigeria
And none of it will help the American
We need to keep that money here in
America. You can keep the money in
America by spending it at yard sales,
going to a baseball game, or spend it on
prostitutes, beer (domestic ONLY) or
tattoos, since those are the only
businesses still in the US.
Your Loyal Editor
Copyright 2000 Claude Dern, All
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