When I say to move, it means to go someplace
else, not switch positions with each other so there are still two
of you in the way.
The dishes with the paw print are yours and
contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food.
Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and
food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish,
nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and
is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object.
Tripping me doesn't help, because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king
size bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue
to sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort.
Look at videos of dogs and cats sleeping,
they can actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep
perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent
possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having
tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used is
nothing but sarcasm.
My CD's and DVD's are not miniature
For the last time, there is not a secret
exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and
manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine,
try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to
pull the door open. When I exit this room, I will come out the
same door I entered. In addition, I have been using bathrooms for
Canine/Feline attendance has never been necessary.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell
the other animal or your butt. I cannot stress this enough. It
would be such a simple change for you.
In return for your following these simple
rules, I have posted the following message on our front door:
My Rules for Non-Pet
Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About My Pets:
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your
clothes, stay off the furniture.
3. I like my pet a lot better than I like
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is
an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours
and doesn't speak clearly.
5. Dogs and cats are better than kids.
eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train,
usually come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out
with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about
buying the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, don't need a
gazillion dollars for college, and if they get pregnant, you can
MOONS WRAPPING PAPER