NOVEMBER 1, 2000
Mule Info from Anon A. Mus who liked the October Mule
The mule is haf hoss, and haf Jackass, and then kums tu a full stop, natur diskovering her mistake. Tha weigh more akordin tu their heft, than enny other kreetur, except a crowbar. Tha kant hear enny quicker nor further than the hoss, yet their ears are big enuff for snow shoes. You kan trust them with enny one whose life aint worth enny more than the mules. The only wa tu keep them into a paster, is tu turn them into a medder jineing, and let them jump out. Tha are reddy for use, just as soon as they will du tu abuse. Tha haint got enny friends, and will live on huckel berry brush, with an ockasional chanse at Kanada thissels. Tha are a modern invenshun, i don't think the Bible deludes tu them at tall. Tha sel for more money than enny other domestik animile. Yu kant tell their age by looking into their mouth, enny more than you kould a ole ships cannon. Tha never hav no dissease that a good club wont heal. If tha ever die tha must kum rite tu life agin, for i never herd nobody sa "ded mule." Tha are like sum men, very korrupt at harte; ive known them tu be good mules for 6 months, just tu git a good chanse to kick sumbody. I never owned one, nor never mean to, unless there is a United Staits law passed requiring it. The only reason why tha are plashunt, is bekause tha are ashamed ov themselfs. I have seen eddikated mules in a sirkus. Tha kould kick, and bite, tremenjis. I would not sa what I am forced tu sa agin the mule, if his birth want an outrage, and man want tu blame for it. Enny man who is willing tu drive a mule ought to be exempt by law from running for the legislatur. Tha are the strongest creeturs on earth, and heaviest, ackording tu their sise; I herd tell ov one who fell oph from the tow path on the Eri Kanawl and sunk. As soon as he toughed the bottom he kept rite on towing the boat to the nex stashun, breathing thru his ears which stuck out ov the water about 2 feet 6 inches. I didn't see this did, but an auctioneer told me ov it and i never knew an auctioneer tu lie unless it was absolutely convenient.
Don't gobble your turkey dinner
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