Bear News Beartown News

OCTOBER 1, 2001

LETTER of CLARIFICATION

Dear Beartown Residents,

I am writing this letter to try and explain that the Minister of the First Beartown Chuch is in no way connected to the KKK. I know my remarks have been interpreted by some to instill this conclusion. All I ever said was that the Minister is " A wizard under the sheets".

Sincerely,
Miss Molly R. Playful


WINDOWS 98 ALERT
BROOKLYN EDITION MICROSOFT

Dear Consumers,

It has come ta our attention dat along with a coupola copies of the WINDOWS 98, WEST VIRGINIA EDITION, as explained in the September issue of Beartown News, it has just bin discovered dat some copies of WINDAS 98, BROOKLYN EDITION may have accidently bin shipped outsida of Brooklyn. If ya got one a dese, you may need some help understandin' da commands. Da Brooklyn Edition may be recognized by da unique openin' screen. It reads: WINDAS 98 wit a background picture of Grand Army Plaza.
When you start da program, instead of da usual "harpy, stringy" music, you hear da teme from da Godfadda. I also shipped wit a Sopranos screen sava.


Also note:
Recycle Bin is labeled
"Staten Island"
My Computer is called
"My Friggin' Computa"
The Inbox is referred to as "Da Trunk"
Deleted Items are referred to as
"Wacked, Erased" or "Rubbed Out"
Dial up Networking is called
"Da Bar"
Control Panel is known as the
"Da Bosses"
Hard Drive is referred to as
"Da BQE Rush Hour"
Performin' an "illegal operation" is known as
"enhancin' the family business" and will actually maximize da program instead of shuttin' it down.
Instead of an error message a
"You ain't gonna friggin' believe dis" pops up.


CHANGES IN TERMINOLOGY IN DA BROOKLYN EDITION;

OK: Sure ting
Cancel:
Fugetaboutit
Yes:
Yeah
No:
Nah
Find: Put a contract out on Browse: Get a looksee
Back:
U toin
Help:
(Ain't available)
Reset: Start Ova
Start: Move it!
Settings:
Here's d'rules
Stop:
Knock it off

Also note dat any voice recognition software run on da BROOKLYN EDITION platform don't recognize da letters. Some programs and udder accessories dat are exclusive to WINDAS 98:
Typa: A word processin' program
Printa: Printer
Calculata:
Calculator
Solitare: Seven Card Stud

We regret any inconvenience it may have caused if you received a copy of da BROOKLYN EDITION. You may return it to Microsoft for a replacement version.
Yous got a problem wit dat?

Bill (4 eyes) Gates
Da BOSS

HAPPY HALLOWEEN

Be careful to not over feed your JACK-O-LANTERN!

 


Email: dernc@sover.net


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