How do you score???
1. Avoid carrot
sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing
of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately.
Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.
Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt
scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You
can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares
that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to
turn into an eggnog-aholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Did you
have one (or 2) for me?
later than you think. It was Christmas!
If something came with gravy, did you use it? That's the whole point of
gravy. Gravy does not stand alone.
on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat
the volcano. Repeat.
As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or
whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports
car with an automatic transmission.
5. Do not
have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your
eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other
food for free.
Lots of it. Hello?
Under no circumstances should you have exercised between Christmas and
New Year's. You can do that now in January when you have nothing else to
do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the
buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of
7. If you
came across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted
Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, did you position
yourself near them and didn't budge? Had as many as you can before
becoming the center of attention? They're like a beautiful pair of
shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.
Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Had a slice of each? Or, if
you don't like mincemeat, had two apples and one pumpkin? Always have
three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?
Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory
celebratory calories, but did you avoid it at all cost. I mean, have
One final tip: If you didn't feel terrible when you leave the party or
get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention.
tips; start over later this year when the Holidays come again.
this motto to live by:
be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an
attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways,
chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up,
totally worn out and screaming
"WHOO HOO what a
had Happy Holidays Everyone!