For those that
don't know about history ... Here is a condensed version:
originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic
hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the
summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in
The two most important events in all of history were the invention
and the invention of the wheel.. The wheel was invented to get man
to the beer.
These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were
the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct
was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of
agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were
invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around
waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the
brewery. That's how villages were formed.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at
night while they were drinking beer.
This was the beginning of what is known as the
Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to
live off the conservatives
by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing,
fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the
Some of these liberal
men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as
girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal
achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of
group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of
voting to decide how to divide the meat and
Over the years
came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on
earth, the elephant.
Liberals are symbolized by the
lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water.
They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and
French food are standard
fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their
women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social
workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in
Hollywood and group therapists are
invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make
the pitcher also bat.
mostly Bud. They eat red meat and still provide for their women.
are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction
workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate
executives, athletes, Marines, airline pilots and generally anyone
who works productively.
companies hire other conservatives
who want to work for a living.
produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and
decide what to do with the production.
believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why
most of the liberals
remained in Europe when conservatives
were coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was
tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.
Here ends today's lesson in world history:
It should be noted that a Liberal
may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before
will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of
this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true
believers and to more liberals
just to piss them off.
And there you
have it. Let your next action reveal your true self....