Bear News Beartown News

JULY 1, 2006

BILL GATES  vs  GM

For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on.  At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon." In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating:  If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:
For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.
Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.
Occasionally, your car would die on the freeway for no reason.  You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue.  For some reason you would simply accept this.
Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive -- but would run on only five percent of the roads.
The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has performed An Illegal Operation"
warning light.

The airbag system would ask, "Are you sure?" before deploying.
Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lift the door handle, turned the key, and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.

 

Ever wonder what radio station the bears and humans of BEARTOWN listen to while on the internet? Why good old Country Music, of course, on none other than: www.countrybear.com
Click here for genuine real country.
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The purpose of this paper is to report area news, and nothing but the news so help me God, unless I feel like doing something else, which I can do whether you like it or not because it is my paper. You can read it or not, just as you please. But remember, if you don't read an issue you don't know what your missing.

DID SOMEBODY SAY BEARTOWN
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