BUILDING the ARK in 2005
In the year 2005, the
Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the United States, and
said, "Once again, the earth has
become wicked and over-populated and I see the end of all flesh
before me. Build another Ark and save two of every living thing
along with a few good humans."
He gave Noah the blueprints, saying,
"You have six months to build the Ark before I will start the
unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights".
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his
yard .... but no ark.
He roared, "I'm about to start the
rain! Where is the Ark?"
"Forgive me, Lord,"
begged Noah. "But things have
changed. I needed a building permit. I've been arguing with the
inspector about the need for a sprinkler system. My neighbors
claim that I've violated the neighborhood zoning laws by building
the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to
go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision. Then the
Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the
future costs of moving power lines and other overhead
obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea.
I argued that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear
nothing of it.
Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting
local trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince
the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls. But
When I started gathering the animals, I got sued by an animal
rights group. They insisted that I was confining wild animals
against their will. As well, they argued the accommodation was too
restrictive and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals
in a confined space.
Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd
conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.
I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights
Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my
building crew. Also, the trades unions say I can't use my sons.
They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark building
To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I'm
trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.
So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least ten years for me
to finish this Ark." Suddenly
the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched
across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked,
"You mean, You're not going to destroy the
said the Lord. "The
government beat me to it."