MAY 1, 2000

FROM Bears TO Sheep TO Cows TO
CHICKENS?

General George Gizmo Zard, longtime Beartown resident and decorated Army retiree is not a man to be idle. A graduate of Perdue, he has an extensive background in animal husbandry and has developed a new breed of chicken. These plump birds will never out number the human residents of Beartown as the

bears, sheep, and cows once did. The new, top secret, growth hormone has created such a super chicken that Beartown will achieve universal fame. The hormone, called GIZ*ZARD, after its inventor, is derived from a potent derivative of the common old fashioned chicken diet of corn and gravel. A rearrangement of the atomic structure results in a release of energy that unleashes itself in a feeding frenzy which grows these monster birds. There are not acres enough in the town for the chickens to outnumber the residents.

The whole world will anxiously be watching Beartown to see if the age old plaque of famine may at last become a curse of the past. To honor the accomplishments of General Zard, Memorial day will be renamed GIZ*ZARD DAY for this year. One half a chicken will be barbequed for all the townspeople starting on May 15th. Chain saws (with vegetable oil in place of bar & chain oil) will be used to carve the bird. The other half will be frozen for the annual Forth of July picnic.

Many Thanks to the GENERAL for his Generosity

MISSION The purpose of this paper is to report area news, and nothing but the news so help me God, unless I feel like doing something else, which I can do whether you like it or not because it is my paper. You can read it or not, just as you please. But remember, if you don't read an issue you don't know what your missing. DID SOMEBODY SAY BEARTOWN ************ Sign Bruin DeBear's Guestbook View Bruin DeBear's Guestbook				STAFF EDITOR...Claude Dern TYPESETTER...Claude Dern JANITOR...Claude Dern CUB REPORTERS Ursus Americanus Bruin DeBear Perhaps Yourself Bruin's Den
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