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BEARTOWN UNIVERSITY
OFFERS NEW SPRING COURSES

CLASSES FOR MEN AT OUR LOCAL LEARNING CENTER FOR ADULTS SIGN UP BY APRIL 5TH.
NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL OF THEIR CONTENTS, EACH COURSE WILL ACCEPT A MAXIMUM OF 8 PARTICIPANTS EACH.
Topic 1: How to Fill Up the Ice Cube Trays. -- Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Topic 2: The Toilet Paper Roll. Does it Change Itself? -- Round Table Discussion.
Topic 3: Is It Possible to Urinate Using the Technique of Lifting the Seat and Avoiding the Floor/Walls/Nearby Bathtub? -- Group Practice.
Topic 4: Fundamental Differences Between the Laundry Hamper and the Floor. --
Pictures/Explanatory Graphics.
Topic 5: After Dinner Dishes. Can They Levitate and Fly Into the Kitchen Sink? -- Examples on Video
Topic 6: Loss of Identity - Losing the Remote to Your Significant Other. -- Help Line Support and Support Groups
Topic 7: Learning How to Find Things - Starting with Looking in the Right Places Instead of Turning the House Upside Down While screaming. -- Open Forum.
Topic 8: Health Watch - Bringing her Flowers is Not Harmful to Your Health. -- Graphics and Audio Tapes.
Topic 9: Real Men ask for Directions When Lost. -- Real Life Testimonials.
Topic 10: Is it Genetically Impossible to Sit Quietly While she Parallel Parks? Driving Simulations
Topic 11: Learning to Live - Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife. Online Classes and Role-Playing.
Topic 12: How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion. -- Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.
Topic 13: How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy - Remembering Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going to be Late. -- Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Topic 14: The Stove/Oven - What it is and How it is Used. -- Live demonstration.

** Upon completion of the course, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.**

Ever wonder what radio station the bears and humans of BEARTOWN listen to while on the internet? Why good old Country Music, of course, on none other than: www.countrybear.com
Click here for genuine real country.

MISSION

The purpose of this paper is to report area news, and nothing but the news so help me God, unless I feel like doing something else, which I can do whether you like it or not because it is my paper. You can read it or not, just as you please. But remember, if you don't read an issue you don't know what your missing.

DID SOMEBODY SAY BEARTOWN
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