Bear News Beartown News

APRIL 1, 2003

KEEP your home's TAXES LOW

When you know the assessors, listers, or whatever the money grabbing group is called in your town or city, following the suggestions below are guaranteed to reduce the value of your residence AND REDUCE YOUR TAXES!!!

      Duct tape cardboard and/or plywood over several windows.  Have your children draw artwork on the inside and use various dates at least 6 months old.
Place several buckets or pails, partially filled with water, throughout the house.
Lower the indoor temperature to just above freezing.
 Place a "Porta-Potty" outside the front door and place "out of order" signs on the toilets.
Let all faucets drip.
Lay extension cords, trouble lights, and water hoses throughout the house.
Place scraps of flooring sticking out from under edges of rugs.
Remove interior doors by taking out hinge pins.
Remove exterior door knob and use screwdriver to open.
Have children paint graffiti on exterior of house using sidewalk chalk or water soluable paint.

You Know What They Say About Fools...

  • But God hath chosen the foolish things of the world to confound the wise; and God hath chosen the weak things of the world to confound the things which are mighty. -- 1 Cor 1:27
  • However big the fool, there is always a bigger fool to admire him. -- Nicolas Boileau-Despréaux
  • [Politicians] never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge. -- Thomas Reed
  • He who lives without folly isn't so wise as he thinks. -- François, Duc de La Rochefoucauld
  • The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly, is to fill the world with fools. -- Herbert Spencer
  • Sometimes one likes foolish people for their folly, better than wise people for their wisdom. -- Elizabeth Gaskell
  • Looking foolish does the spirit good. -- John Updike
  • Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed. -- Mark Twain
  • A fool sees not the same tree that a wise man sees. -- William Blake
  • A fool must now and then be right by chance. -- Cowper
  • It is better to be a fool than to be dead. -- Stevenson
  • The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year. -- Mark Twain

Ever wonder what radio station the bears and humans of BEARTOWN listen to while on the internet? Why good old Country Music, of course, on none other than:
Click here for genuine real country.

The purpose of this paper is to report area news, and nothing but the news so help me God, unless I feel like doing something else, which I can do whether you like it or not because it is my paper. You can read it or not, just as you please. But remember, if you don't read an issue you don't know what your missing.


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