Bear News Beartown News

MARCH 1, 2006

CREATIVE  HEADSTONES

Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York:
Born 1903-Died 1942
Looked up the elevator shaft to see if the car was on the way down.  It was.

 
In a Thurmont, Maryland, cemetery:
Here lies an Atheist
All dressed up
And no place to go.
In a London, England cemetery:
Here lies Ann Mann,
Who lived an old maid
But died an old Mann.
Dec. 8, 1767

 
In a Ribbesford, England, cemetery:
Anna Wallace:
The children of Israel wanted bread,
And the Lord sent them manna.
Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife,
And the Devil sent him Anna.

 
In a Ruidoso, New Mexico, cemetery:
Here lies Johnny Yeast.
Pardon me for not rising.
In a Uniontown, Pennsylvania, cemetery:
Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake.
Stepped on the gas
Instead of the brake.

 
In a Silver City, Nevada, cemetery:
Here lies The Kid.
We planted him raw.
He was quick on the trigger
But slow on the draw.

 
A lawyer's epitaph in England:
Sir John Strange.
Here lies an honest lawyer,
And that is Strange.

 
John Penny's epitaph in the Wimborne, England, cemetery:
Reader, if cash thou art
In want of any,
Dig 6 feet deep;
And thou wilt find a Penny.

 
In a cemetery in Hartscombe, England:
On the 22nd of June,
Jonathan Fiddle
Went out of tune.

 
Anna Hopewell's grave in Enosburg Falls,Vermont
Here lies the body of our Anna -
Done to death by a banana.
It wasn't the fruit that laid her low,
But the skin of the thing that made her go.

 
On a grave from the 1880s in Nantucket, Massachusetts:
Under the sod and under the trees,
Lies the body of Jonathan Pease.
He is not here, there's only the pod.
Pease shelled out and went to God
In a cemetery in England:  >>>>>>>>>>>>
Remember man, as you walk by,
As you are now, so once was I.
As I am now, you soon will be.
Prepare yourself and follow me.
<<<<<<<<<<<<  To which someone replied by writing on the tombstone:
To follow you I'll not consent
Until I know which way you went

 
From Boot Hill, in Tombstone, Arizona:
Here lies Lester Moore
One slug from a 44
No Les
No More

 

 
 

Ever wonder what radio station the bears and humans of BEARTOWN listen to while on the internet? Why good old Country Music, of course, on none other than: www.countrybear.com
Click here for genuine real country.
MISSION

The purpose of this paper is to report area news, and nothing but the news so help me God, unless I feel like doing something else, which I can do whether you like it or not because it is my paper. You can read it or not, just as you please. But remember, if you don't read an issue you don't know what your missing.

DID SOMEBODY SAY BEARTOWN
************

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TYPESETTER...Claude Dern

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