BEARTOWN 
TOWN MEETING  2004

The race for 3 year term of Selectman or Selectwoman or Selectbear or Selectperson is a win-win situation.  All candidates promise to "DO WHATEVER IT TAKES" to make Beartown prosperous by creating jobs and lowering taxes.  Therefore it makes no difference who wins because the victor will do exactly the same as as any of their opponents would do.
A much more important matter is Article 436 regarding Public Urination.  Answering nature's call in a public space may be distasteful and a public health threat, but it's not illegal in Beartown -- yet.
Town officials are trying to change that.
Town Attorney Henry DeBear has proposed a new ordinance that would make it a crime to urinate or defecate on streets or in alleys and parks, or elsewhere in public view.  DeBear said the only current way to prosecute that particular kind of offense is with a charge of indecent exposure, which doesn't always work because obtaining a conviction requires proof of intent. Violators of the proposed ordinance would be hit with a fine of between $50 and $500, and possibly time in the clinker.
DeBear emphasized the law would not punish people with a genuine excretory emergency -- subjects can win an exception to the law if they are unable to control their bodily functions due to illness, disease, infection or physical infirmity. The defense won't work if the subject has used illegal drugs or is drunk.
Opponents to the Article suggest carrying a can of white spray paint in the winter to cover the telltale yellow tint and using a cane with an animal footprint on the bottom end.
This Article is sure to be a true "URINATION CONTEST".
Article 588 regarding Jaywalking is also receiving much public discussion.  Opponents don't want to destroy the atmosphere of this rural community and a few injuries a year are well worth carrying on this centuries old tradition.

Residents will vote on these important measures  March 2, Town Meeting Day -- just in time for the town's St. Patrick's Day Parade.