Bear News Beartown News

MARCH 1, 2002

BEARTOWN GREETING CARD Co. STARTS UP

The owners of the newly formed Beartown Card Co. plan to fill the void in the generally dull offering of greeting cards. Innocent amusements are such as excite moderately, and such as produce a cheereful frame of mind, not boisterous mirth; such as refresh, instead of exhausting, the system; such as recur frequently, rather than continue long; such as send us back to our daily duties invigorated in body and spirit; such as we can partake of in the presence and society of respectable friends; such as consist with and are favorable to a grateful piety; such as are chastened by self-respect, and are accompanied with the consciousness that life has a higher end than to be amused.


I thought it was flat.

When I looked at the tire.

I noticed your cat.

Sorry!


Happy Vasectomy!

Hope you feel zippy!

Cause when I had mine

I got real snippy.

You totaled your car.

And can't remember why.

Could it have been that

Whole case of Bud Dry?

You had your bladder removed

And you're on the mend.

Here's a bouquet of flowers

And a box of Depends.

I hate a style that is wholly flat and regular, that slides along like an eel, and never rises to what one can call an inequality. The sublime and the ridiculous are often so nearly related that it is difficult to class them seperately. One step above the sublime makes the ridiculous, and one step above the ridiculous makes the sublime again.

"How could two people as beautiful as you

have such ugly babies?"

"Congratulations on your wedding day!

Too bad no one likes your wife,"

As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am

That you're not here to ruin it for me,"

"Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!!"

(card available only in Arkansas, Tennessee, Kentucy, and West Virginia)

Heard your wife left you.

How upset you must be.

But don't fret about it.

She's moved in with me!

Ever wonder what radio station the bears and humans of BEARTOWN listen to while on the internet? Why good old Country Music, of course, on none other than: www.countrybear.com
Click here for genuine real country.
MISSION

The purpose of this paper is to report area news, and nothing but the news so help me God, unless I feel like doing something else, which I can do whether you like it or not because it is my paper. You can read it or not, just as you please. But remember, if you don't read an issue you don't know what your missing.


DID SOMEBODY SAY BEARTOWN
************

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TYPESETTER...Claude Dern

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