Bear News Beartown News

February 1, 2010

Are you a Democrat, a Republican, or

a
 Redneck?
 


Here is a little test that will help you decide. 

The answer can be found by posing the following question:

 
You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two
small children.  Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge
knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams
obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you. 

You are carrying a Kimber 1911 cal. 45 ACP, and you are an
expert shot. 

You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.
What do you do? 

............................................................ 


THINK CAREFULLY AND THEN SCROLL DOWN: 

Democrat's Answer : 


Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!  
Does the man look poor or oppressed? 
Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to
attack?   Could we run away? 
What does my wife think? 
What about the kids? 
Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife
out of his hand?   What does the law say about this situation?
Does the pistol have appropriate safety built into it?   Why am
I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does
this send to society and to my children?   Is it possible he'd be
happy with just killing me? 
Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just
to wound me? If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could
my family get away while he was stabbing me? 
Should I call 9-1-1? 
Why is this street so deserted? We need to raise taxes, have
paint and weed day and make this happier, healthier street
that would discourage such behavior. 
This is all so confusing!  I need to debate this with some friends
for few days and try to come to a consensus. 

................................................................. 


Republican's Answer: 

BANG!


...................................................................................................... 

Redneck's Answer:

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG ! 
Click . . .
 (Sounds of reloading) 
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! 
BANG! BANG! BANG! Click 
Daughter: Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those 
the Winchester Silver Tips or Hydrashocks? 
Son: Can I shoot the next one?

Wife: You're not taking that to the taxidermist!

  • .

 

Ever wonder what radio station the bears and humans of BEARTOWN listen to while on the internet? Why good old Country Music, of course, on none other than: www.countrybear.com
Click here for genuine real country.
MISSION

The purpose of this paper is to report area news, and nothing but the news so help me God, unless I feel like doing something else, which I can do whether you like it or not because it is my paper. You can read it or not, just as you please. But remember, if you don't read an issue you don't know what your missing.

DID SOMEBODY SAY BEARTOWN
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