NOVEMBER 1, 2003
ANNUAL DEER HUNTING SEASON
It was a clear, cold November morning, every condition imaginable was just right. The young deer hunter sat still and quiet in the tree stand hoping to get his first deer. Just after daybreak, he could hear the crunching of the leaves as a deer made it way down the trail toward his stand. His heart quickened.
Moments later, a HUGE 10-pointer at least 20" wide stood still broadside not more than 20 yards away. He slowly raised the rifle, clicked off the safety, squeeze, boom. The deer dropped instantly in his tracks. The guy was so excited, he quickly hung the gun back on the nail in the tree, scampered down the ladder and ran over the where the buck lay.
Reaching for his knife to begin field-dressing the deer, he realized that he must first tag the deer. Not wanting to get into any trouble, he laid down his knife, pulled the tag from his pocket, filled it out, and neatly tied it to the buck's massive antlers.
He reached down picked up the knife to resume field-dressing the deer, then the buck did something unexpected, he jumped up, snorted, and ran back up the trail over the ridge. The hunter stood there in amazement for a moment, glanced back up in the tree at his rifle hanging near the stand, looked at the knife in his hand, then mumbled a couple of choice words then tore out running after the big buck.
Moments after the buck crossed over the ridge top, there was a boom from another hunter's rifle. The young deer hunter thought to himself, "Oh no, not my deer". As he reached the ridge top and crossed over, he saw the big buck lying on the trail ahead of him as a hunter cautiously approached the downed deer checking it for dead. The young hunter runs up to the guy, out of breath he explains "That's my deer, huff, huff, that's my deer". "Like heck it is" said the other guy. "I just shot this one". "No, no, look, it's got my tag on his antlers".
The second hunter looked down at the deer, sure enough, there were tags attached to the antlers. He looked back at the young guy completely exhausted and out of breath holding the pocket knife and says, "Fella, if you're man enough to tag 'em first and then run 'em down, you can have this deer."
A woman goes into a sporting goods store to buy a rifle. "It's for my husband," she tells the clerk.
"Did he tell you what caliber to get?" asked the clerk.
"Are you kidding?" she says. "He doesnt even know that I am going to shoot him!"
John was a minister who neglected his congregational duties on opening weekend to go deer hunting. While out hunting, he stopped to take a break when suddenly he was confronted by the largest, meanest looking bear he had ever seen.
The bear stood and advanced on him, popping it's jaws and snarling. In his fear, John emptied his rifle without hitting the bear. Dropping the gun, he turned and ran as fast as he could in a vain attempt to outrun the bear. John ran up to the edge of a very steep cliff.
John was terrified and knew he was going to be attacked. Seeing no way out of his predicament, and with the bear closing in rather quickly, John got down on his knees, opened his arms, and exclaimed, "Dear Lord! Please give this bear some RELIGION!"
The skies darkened and a bolt of lightning flashed.
Just a few feet short of John, the bear came to abrupt stop and glanced around, somewhat confused. He seemed to become very calm. Suddenly, the bear looked up into the sky, put his paws together, bent his head, and said "Thank you, Lord, for the food I'm about to receive."
A deer hunter from the city bagged a big buck. Just about that time, the game warden arrived and asked the hunter if he had a hunting license and deer tag.
The hunter said he didn't have a license or a tag, so the game warden had to take the hunter and the deer to town.
The game warden helped the hunter drag the 200 plus pound deer out to the road. Now that the hard work was done, the hunter exclaimed, "I just remembered, I do have a hunting license and deer tag after all."
A carload of deer hunters, looking for a place to hunt, pulled into a farmer's yard. The driver went up to the farmhouse to ask permission to hunt on his land.
The old farmer said, "Sure you can hunt, but would you do me a favor? That old mule over there is 20 years old and sick with cancer, but I don't have the heart to kill her. Would you do it for me?"
The hunter said, "Sure" and headed for the car.
Walking back, however, he decided to pull a trick on his deer hunting buddies. He got into the car and when they asked if the farmer said it was OK, he said, "No, we can't hunt here, but I'm going to teach that old cuss a lesson."
With that, he rolled down his window, stuck his rifle out and blasted the mule. Then he exclaimed, "There, that will teach him!"
A second shot rang out from the passenger side and one of his deer hunting buddies shouted, "I got his cow, lets get out of here!!!"
Copyright 2000 Claude Dern, All Rights Reserved
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