NOVEMBER 1, 2000

DEER

HUNTING
1:00AM Alarm clock rings. 2:00 Hunting partners arrive, drag you out of bed. 2:30 Throw everything except the kitchen sink into the pickup. 3:00 Leave for the deep woods. 3:15 Drive back home to get rifle. 4:00 Drive like a madman to get back to the woods before daylight. 5:00 Set up camp. Forgot the darn tent. 5:30 Head for the woods. 6:05 See six deer. 6:06 Take aim and squeeze trigger. 6:06:01 Click. 6:07 Load gun while watching deer disappear over hill. 8:00 Head back to camp. 9:00 Still looking for camp. 10:00 Realize you don't know where camp is. NOON Fire rifle for help. Eat wild berries. 2:00 Run out of bullets; six deer come back. 2:10 Strange feeling in stomach. 2:20 Realize you have eaten poison berries. 2:35 Rescued. 2:45 Rushed to hospital to have stomach pumped. 3:30 Arrive back at camp. 3:35 Leave camp to kill deer. 4:00 Return to camp for bullets. 4:01 Load gun; leave camp. 4:50 Empty gun at squirrel that is bugging you. 6:00 Arrive at camp. See deer grazing in camp. 6:01 Load rifle. 6:02 Fire rifle. 6:03 One dead pickup. 6:15 Hunting partner arrives at camp dragging deer. 6:16 Repress urge to shoot hunting partner. 6:17 Fall into fire. 6:20 Change clothes. 6:25 Take pickup leaving partner and deer in camp. 6:30 Pickup boils over; hole shot in block. 6:31 Start walking. 6:35 Stumble and fall; drop rifle in mud. 6:40 Meet bear. 6:41 Take aim. 6:42 Fire rifle; blow up barrel plugged with mud. 6:43 Mess pants. 6:44 Climb tree. 9:00 Bear leaves. 9:05 Wrap stupid rifle around tree. MIDNIGHT Home at last.

Sunday Night: Watch football game on TV while slowly tearing hunting license into small pieces and placing them into an envelope to mail to the Fish and Game Department with detailed instructions on where to place them.

Ever wonder what radio station the bears and humans of BEARTOWN listen to while on the internet? Why good old Country Music, of course, on none other than: www.countrybear.com Click here for genuine real country.

MISSION The purpose of this paper is to report area news, and nothing but the news so help me God, unless I feel like doing something else, which I can do whether you like it or not because it is my paper. You can read it or not, just as you please. But remember, if you don't read an issue you don't know what your missing. DID SOMEBODY SAY BEARTOWN ************ Sign Bruin DeBear's Guestbook View Bruin DeBear's Guestbook				STAFF EDITOR...Claude Dern TYPESETTER...Claude Dern JANITOR...Claude Dern CUB REPORTERS Ursus Americanus Bruin DeBear Perhaps Yourself Bruin's Den
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