JANUARY 1, 2001
JUNK MAIL IS GOOD!
Do you get junk mail? Does it cost you to dispose of it? Does it make you mad? Would you like to get even? If you answered yes to any of the above then CONTINUE and learn how to take advantage of JUNK MAIL!
Much junk mail can be recognized without opening, but in order for this plan to work, you must open the mail. What you need to quickly recognize and save are the postage paid return envelopes that accompany most junk mail. These are valuable! They are your free disposal method for junk mail and any small household refuse. Just chuck these envelopes full of all anything that will fit. (HINT: Tape will make sure the envelope will not rip open before you mail it; after that WHO CARES!)
Sort your envelopes by size (height and length) to maximize the potential volume of the mail. Tin cans (well flattened) will fit into envelopes. A few simple calculations will tell you what cans will fit into what envelopes before you flatten them only to learn that they will not fit. Measure the diameter of the can and multiply by pi (3.14159265+) and divide by 2 to get the flattened width.
Be careful not to include anything with your address. This could result in you getting no more of this valuable junk mail and would lower the volume of mail that is needed to support our Post Office Department. If you feel you are generously contributing to the wellbeing of the Postal System you may want to take advantage of free local mailing. Simply reverse the address and return address on any local mail and do not apply postage. The mail will be returned to the sender for lack of postage, but the mail will have reached your intended recipient FREE!
Copyright 2000 Claude Dern, All Rights Reserved
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