Bear News Beartown News

SEPTEMBER 1, 2008

HUMOR

FART FUN FACTS

 

On average, a fart is composed of about 59 percent  nitrogen, 21 percent hydrogen, 9 percent carbon dioxide, 7 percent methane and 4 percent oxygen. Less than 1 percent of their makeup is what makes farts stink. 
The temperature of a fart at the time of creation is 98.6 degrees Fahrenheit.

Farts have been clocked at a speed of 10 feet per second.
A person produces about half a liter of farts a day.
Farts have been clocked at a speed of 10 feet per second.
A person produces about half a liter of farts a day.
Women fart as much as men.
The gas that makes your farts stink is hydrogen  sulfide. The more sulfur rich your diet, the more your farts  will stink. Some foods that cause really smelly farts include: beans, cabbage, cheese, soda and eggs.
Most people pass gas about 14 times a day.
People fart even shortly after death.
Men are most likely to fart in the bathroom in the  morning (aka “Morning Thunder”).
It really IS possible to ignite a fart.
Turtles, fish, snakes and other reptiles all fart, as  do cats and dogs.
Termite farts are believed to be a major contributor to  global warming.
Farting up in space would propel you forward.
See?  Everything you never wanted to know about farting!  Hopefully your day is now complete and the water cooler chat at work tomorrow will be that much more colorful.

SPEAKING of GAS:

Save gas on voting day!
Call a person you know who is planning to vote the exact opposite of you.  Convince them to stay home and you will do the same.  The voting results will be the same only lower in numbers.  After the agreement you can always CHANGE your mind and vote.  Of course they could also decide to vote so the results would be the same but you have both wasted expensive gas!
Politics is always a gamble!!!


 

LAWYERS

The United Way realized that it had never received a donation from the city's most successful lawyer.  So a United Way volunteer paid the lawyer a visit in his lavish office.
The volunteer opened the meeting by saying,
'Our research shows that even though your annual income is over two million dollars, you don't give a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give something back to your community through the United Way ?'
The lawyer thinks for a minute and says,
'First, did your research also show you that my mother is dying after a long, painful illness and she has huge medical bills that are far beyond her ability to pay?'
Embarrassed, the
United Way rep mumbles, 'Uh... no, I didn't know that.' ''Secondly,' says the lawyer, ' did it show that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair and is unable to support his wife and six children?'
The stricken
United Way rep begins to stammer an apology, but is cut off again.
'Thirdly, did your research also show you that my sister's husband died in a dreadful car accident, leaving her penniless with a mortgage and three children, one of whom is disabled and another that has learning disabilities requiring an array of private tutors?'
The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, says, 'I'm so sorry, I had no idea.'
And the lawyer says,
'So... if I didn't give any money to them, what makes you think I'd give any to you?'
 



 


DID SOMEBODY SAY
BEARTOWN


Email: dernc@sover.net


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