humor7-01.htm

HUMOR

WHAT A COUNTRY

5 million of our older Americans have not signed up yet for their Medicare, Part D, drug plan------they are old and confused.
We are not going to grant them an extension.
However, 12 million illegal aliens are in our country and we are going to allow them to stay, protest, procreate, receive support
monies, attend schools, avoid paying income taxes, have our teachers take 300 hours of ESL (English as a Second Language) training at our expense, Etc.
WE MUST REALLY DISLIKE OUR OLD PEOPLE
OR WE MUST REALLY LOVE TACOS!!!

GOOD GOLF BALLS

A man entered the bus with both of his front pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful (you guessed it) blonde. The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets. Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, "its golf balls". Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at him for a very long time, deeply thinking about what he had said. After several minutes, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, asked, "Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"

DENTIST

A Scotsman asks the dentist the cost for a tooth extraction. "$85 for an extraction sir," was the dentist's reply.

"$85!!! Huv ye no' got anythin' cheaper?" "That's the normal charge," said the dentist. "Whit aboot if ye didnae use any anaesthetic?" "That's unusual, sir, but I could do it and knock $15 off."
"Whit aboot if ye used one of your dentist trainees and still without an anaesthetic?"
"I can't guarantee their professionalism and it'll be really painful. But the price could drop to $40."
"How aboot if ye make it a trainin' session, 'ave yer student do the extraction with the other students watchin' and learnin?"
"It'll be good for the students," mulled the dentist. "I'll charge you $5. But it'll be traumatic."
"Och now yer talkin' laddie! It's a deal," said the Scotsman.
"Now, can ye confirm an appointment for the wife next Tuesday then?"

A REAL COWBOY

The Iranian Ambassador to the United Nations had just finished giving a speech, and walked out into the lobby where he met President Bush.
They shook hands, and as they walked the Iranian said, "You know, I have just one question about what I have seen in America."
President Bush said, "Well, anything I can do to help you, I will."
The Iranian whispered, "My son watches this show 'Star Trek' and in it there is Chekhov who is Russian, Scotty who is Scottish, and Sulu who is Chinese, but no Arabs. My son is very upset and doesn't understand why there aren't any Iranians on Star Trek."
President Bush laughed, leaned forward toward the Ambassador and whispered, "It's because it takes place in the future."

LIFE CYCLE

I think the life cycle is all backwards.
You should start out dead, get it out of the way.
You wake up in an old age home, feeling better every day.
You get kicked out for being too healthy, go collect your pension, then, when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day.
You work 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement.
You drink alcohol, you party, you're generally promiscuous and you get ready for High School.
You go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a baby, then, you spend your last 9
months floating peacefully with luxuries like central heating, spa, room service on tap, larger quarters everyday, and then you finish off as an orgasm
It's got to be better this way 'cause getting old sucks!

DID SOMEBODY SAY
BEARTOWN

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