SEPTEMBER 1, 2001

HUMOR

BONUS

Buster was doing some painting for the local doctor. When he finished the job the doctor gave it a thorough inspection (he had known Buster a long time) , and much to the doctor's suprise, Buster had really done an excellent job. The doctor paid Buster the amount that had been agreed on and then handed Buster a crisp new $50 bill saying "Buster you did such an excellent job. Here is $50. Take the missus out tonight for dinner and a movie." Well at 7PM the door bell rings at the doctor's house and there stands Buster in his best clothes. Puzzled the doctor asked "Buster did you forget something?"
"No sir, I'm jest here to carry your missus out to dinner and a movie like you asked."

TAX ANALOGY

10% of the taxpayers pay about 60% of the taxes collected, 30% pay 37%, and 60% collectively pay only 4%. An example follows.

Every night, 10 men met at a restaurant for dinner. At the end of the meal, the bill would arrive; they owed $100 for the food that they shared. Every night they lined up in the same order at the cash register to pay the bill.
The first four men paid nothing at all. The fifth, grumbling about the unfairness of the situation, pais $1. The sixth man, feeling a little put out, paid $3. The next three men paid $7, $12 and $18, respectively. The last man was required to pay the remaining balance, $59; he realized he was paying for not only his own meal but the unpaid balance left by the first five men.
The 10 men were quite settled into their routine when the restaurant threw them into chaos by announcing that it was cutting its prices. Now dinner for the 10 men would cost $80. This clearly would not affect the first four men; they still ate for free. The fifth man announced he would now pay nothing either. The sixth man lowered his contribution by 1/3, and paid only $2. The seventh man deducted $2 from his usual payment and paid onlt $5. The eighth man paid $9 instead of his usual $12. The ninth man paid $12, $6 less than before. This left the last man with a bill of $52.
Outside the restaurant, the men began to compare their savings, and angry outbursts began to erupt. The sixth man yelled, "I got only $1 out of the $20 in cost reduction, and he got $7." pointing to the last man. The fifth man remarked, "I only saved $1 too, it is unfair that he got seven times more than me. The seventh man cried, "Why should he get a reduction of $7 when I only got $2?"
The nine men formed an otraged mob, surrounding the 10th man. The first four men followed the lead of the others: "Even though we weren't paying anything in the first place, we didn't get any of the $20 reduction in cost; where is our share?" The nine angry men then carried the 10th man over to a tree and lynched him.
The next night, the nine remaining men met at the restaurant for dinner. But when the bill came there was no one to pay it.

DID SOMEBODY SAY
BEARTOWN

EXOTIC RESTAURANT

Leroy had passed the new restaurant several times and was thinking about their big sign which read "$100 IF WE FAIL TO FILL YOUR ORDER" He decides to go in and make an easy $100. His order was a flamingo sandwich on rye bread. The waitress carries the order to the kitchen and an awful argument erupts. After a few minutes the cook comes out and places a $100 bill on Leroy's table and said "Well you got us, this is the first time we ever ran out of rye bread."

A TOUGH JOB

Aaron stops at Cousin Harley's house one afternoon and Harley is really messed up. He has a bruised lip, messy hair, and a puffed eye. His clothes are wrinkled and torn in several places. He has bruises and is bleeding on his arms and neck. Aaron helps Harley inside and asked "Harley! What in the world has happened to you?"
Harley says "I just got back from burying my mother-in-law!"
Aaron looks sort of puzzled and finally said "Harley, how did you get in such a mess just burying your mother-in-law?"
Harley replies "She wouldn't lie still."

MINISTER

A minister up in Vermont
Keeps a goldfish alive in the font;
When he dips the babes in
It tickles their skin,
Which is all that the innocents want.

FUNNY MONEY