SEPTEMBER 1, 2000

HUMOR

Justin Hammond, a wealthy attorney, has a spectacular summer retreat in the end of North Hollow. This summer he invited a Czech friend to spend two weeks in the beautiful mountains. One early morning the two friends went out early to pick some berries for their breakfast. As they worked their way around an exceptionally large berry patch they encountered two large bears, one male and one female.
The lawyer immediately ran back toward the "cabin" but his Czech friend was not as lucky and the host watched his friend be swallowed whole.
The lawyer raced into Beartown in his Jaguar and found the Constable. The lawman, rifle in hand, climbed into the Jag for the wild return ride to North Hollow. The two bears were still there and the lawyer pointed to the male saying "That's the one!" while thoughts of lawsuits from his friend's family filled his head.
The Constable quickly studied the bears, took careful aim, and shot the female.
The lawyer went wild. "Why did you shoot the female? I told you my friend was in the male bear!"
"Exactly," responded the Constable, "and who would believe a lawyer who told you the Czech was in the male?"

IN THE HABIT

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Horses that lose,
Are made into glue.

DID SOMEBODY SAY BEARTOWN

CLASSIFIEDS

For Sale: Braille dictionary . Must see to appreciate.
Help Wanted: Singer for new rock band. Must be male or female.
Help Wanted: Widower with schoolage children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to family growth.
Experienced mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals and smacks included.
For sale: Hope chest. Brand new, half price, long story.
Help Wanted: Adult or mature teenager to baby-sit. $1.50/hour plus fridge benefits.
Lost: Large Irish Setter. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.
Craft Sale: Hand made gifts for the hard-to-find person.
For Sale: Four-poster bed, 150 years old. Perfect for antique lover.
For Sale: Antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.
Lost: Black and white Tom Cat. Answers to electric can opener.
For Sale: Quilted highchair that can be made into a table,pottychair, rocking horse, refrigerator, spring coat, size 6, mink collar.
For Sale: Very old dresses from grandmother in excellent shape
Work Wanted: Man, honest. Will take anything.
Help Wanted: Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.

Beartown Farmers

It seems that the uncertainties of weather tend to make most farmers pessimists. If it rains a few drops, they start looking for a flood. If it's dry for a few days, they predict a drought.The merchants in Beartown are pretty well resigned to these gloomy customers. Well once there was a perfect year. Weather was ideal, crops were abundant and prices at the market were at all time highs. The corn crop was bigger than ever before and one Beartown farmer won a prize for raising the most bushels of corn per acre in the entire state of Vermont. The day after this award was announced, a local merchant congratulated the farmer on his achievement. "Good work Hiram. A hundred and twenty-five bushels of corn to the acre. That's incredible!"
But Hiram shook his head sadly, "I don't know,though," he croaked. "It's awful hard on the soil."

SIGNS IN WINDOW OF BEARTOWN TAVERN

NO TELEVISION YET
BUT COME IN ANYWAY
WE HAVE A FIGHT EVERY NIGHT

BLACKENED BLUEFISH

OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS

OUR BEST IS NONE TOO GOOD

NOW SERVING LIVE LOBSTERS