Bear News Beartown News

AUGUST 1, 2010



1.  You cannot stick your tongue out and look up at the ceiling at the same time.
2.  All idiots, after reading #1 will try it.
3.  And discover #1 is a lie.
4. You are smiling now because you are an idiot.
5.  You soon will forward this to another idiot.
6.  There is still a stupid smile on your face I apologize about this, but I'm an idiot, and I needed company.

       A $50.00 Lesson

I recently asked my friends' little girl what she wanted to be when she grows up. She said she wanted to be the President some day. Both of her parents, being liberal Democrats, were standing there, so I asked her, "If you were the President, what would be the first thing you would do"?

 She replied,
"I'd give food and houses to all the homeless people." Her parents beamed with pride.

"Wow! What a worthy goal," I told her. "But you don't have to wait until you're the President to do that. You can come over to my house and mow my lawn, pull weeds and sweep my yard. And I'll pay you $50.00.  Then I'll take you over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out and you can give him the $50.00 to use toward food and a new house."

She thought that over for a few seconds, then she looked me straight in the eye and asked,
"Why doesn't the homeless guy come over and do the work. Then you can just pay him the $50.00?"

I said,
"Welcome to the Republican Party." Her parents still aren't speaking to me.


A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs
and asked a blonde flight attendant to take care of them for him.
She took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator.
He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for them staying frozen,
mentioning in a very haughty manner that he was a lawyer, and proceeded to rant at her
about what would happen if she let them thaw out. Needless to say, she was annoyed by his behavior.
Shortly before landing in New York, she used the intercom to announce to the entire cabin,
"Would the gentleman who gave me the crabs in New Orleans, please raise
your hand?"
Not one hand went up ... So she took them home and ate them.
 Two lessons here:
1. Lawyers aren't as smart as they think they are.
 2.Blondes aren't as dumb as most folks think.

Chinese Dinner

A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the 'Chicken Surprise', the waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot.
Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slams back down.
'Good grief, did you see that?' she asks her husband. He hasn't, so she asks him to look in the pot. He reaches for it and again the lid rises, and he sees two little eyes looking around before it slams down.
Rather perturbed, he calls the waiter over, explains what is happening, and demands an explanation.

'Please sir,' says the waiter, 'what you order?'
The husband replies, 'Chicken Surprise.'
'Ah! So sorry,' says the waiter, 'I bring you Peeking Duck!'



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