Bear News Beartown News

AUGUST 1, 2005



If you were a chicken, would you take seriously or expect objective recommendations to come from a committee of foxes studying the structure of chicken coops, or if you were the oyster, would you accept the walrus' gracious invitation to come into his house and join him for dinner? Or if you were a sheep, would you follow into the deep, dark woods the biggest sheep you ever saw, but who had a wolf's tail sticking out from under his sheep's tail? If you were Little Red Riding Hood, would you go into the woods to Grandma's house at all, but if you did, would you buy the big ears, the big eyes, the big nose, or especially the big teeth as your Grandma's?


To all Grandparents or anyone who may become a grandparent one day....
Heed this warning: Do NOT lose your Grandkids in the Mall!
 A small boy was lost at a large shopping mall. He approached a uniformed policeman and said, "I've lost my grandpa!"
The cop asked, "What's he like?"
The little boy replied, "Crown Royal whisky and women with big boobs"

If you lived here, you'd be home now.

Ham and eggs. A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a  pig.


While visiting his niece, an elderly man had a heart attack.  The woman drove wildly to get him to the emergency room.  After what seemed like a very long wait, the E.R. doctor appeared, wearing his scrubs and a long face.  
Sadly, he said, "I'm afraid that your uncle is brain-dead, but his heart is still beating."
"Oh, dear." cried the woman, her hands clasped against her cheeks with shock, "We've never had a Democrat in the family before!"      


During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director which is the criteria that defines a patient to be institutionalized.
"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, we offer a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the patient and ask the patient to empty the bathtub." 
Okay, here's your test: (Those with an abnormal tendency will scroll to the bottom to get the answer before taking the test.)
1. Would you use the spoon?
2. Would you use the teacup?
3. Would you use the bucket?
"Oh, I understand," said the visitor.  "A normal person would choose the bucket as it is larger than the spoon."
"Noooooo," answered the Director.  "A normal person would pull the plug."



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