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 AUGUST 1, 2005 |
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AUGUST 1, 2005 |
HUMOR HEALTH CARE
If you were a
chicken, would you take seriously or expect objective recommendations
to come from a committee of foxes studying the structure of chicken
coops, or if you were the oyster, would you accept the walrus'
gracious invitation to come into his house and join him for dinner? Or
if you were a sheep, would you follow into the deep, dark woods the
biggest sheep you ever saw, but who had a wolf's tail sticking out
from under his sheep's tail? If you were Little Red Riding Hood, would
you go into the woods to Grandma's house at all, but if you did, would
you buy the big ears, the big eyes, the big nose, or especially the
big teeth as your Grandma's?
GRANDPARENTS
To all Grandparents or anyone who may become a
grandparent one day....
Heed this warning: Do NOT lose your Grandkids in the Mall! A small boy was lost at a large shopping mall. He approached a uniformed policeman and said, "I've lost my grandpa!" The cop asked, "What's he like?" The little boy replied, "Crown Royal whisky and women with big boobs" If you lived here, you'd be home now. Ham and eggs. A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.
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CHANGE in the FAMILY
While visiting his niece, an elderly man
had a heart attack. The woman drove
wildly to get him to the emergency
room. After what seemed like a very long
wait, the E.R. doctor appeared, wearing
his scrubs and a long face.
Sadly, he said, "I'm afraid that your uncle is brain-dead, but his heart is still beating." "Oh, dear." cried the woman, her hands clasped against her cheeks with shock, "We've never had a Democrat in the family before!" MENTAL ASYLUM "Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, we offer a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the patient and ask the patient to empty the bathtub." Okay, here's your test: (Those with an abnormal tendency will scroll to the bottom to get the answer before taking the test.) 1. Would you use the spoon? 2. Would you use the teacup? 3. Would you use the bucket? "Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would choose the bucket as it is larger than the spoon." "Noooooo," answered the Director. "A normal person would pull the plug."
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