Bear News Beartown News

August 1, 2000



I used to have a handle on life, but it broke
BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore.
I R S We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
Hang up and drive
Out of my mind....Back in five minutes
God must love stupid people...He made so many
I took an IQ test and the results were negative
Where there's a will...I want to be in it
It's lonely at the top, but you eat better
Ever stop to think and forget to start again?
KEEP HONKING while I reload
Taxation with representation isn't so hot, either!
EARTH FIRST! We'll strip mine the other planets later
Whitewater is over when the First Lady sings
Jack Kevorkian for White House physician


Comments on teacher's evaluations of students:

Dull but steady - would make a good parent.
The dawn of legibility in his handwriting reveals his utter incapacity to spell.
Brian contributes very nicely to the group singing by helpful listening.
Possible maladjustment - reads books.
1st semester: trying. 2nd semester: very trying.
If you can't be immature at 7, when can you be?


W. Howard Botley IV has bought his son Jason '95 a cowboy outfit. A 25,000 acre ranch, 1500 cattle and 258 horses
"Any physical defects?" asked the draft-board doctor of Tim Seeley '98. "Yes sir, no guts." was the reply.


Bachelor Bait
Since Eve Ate Apples
Some Girls Know How
Doing It In The Kitchen
(New Cookbooks in the School Library)



A Beartown resident had a mother-in-law living with him. She had a stroke and was a great care. This was before trained nurses and in spite of help from the neighbors, the family had a hard time of it. Finally they reached the point where they were looking forward to her passing. For some time she had a rattling in her throat which seemed a sign that the end was near.
One morning Grandfather and I were passing the house, he drove into the yard to ask after the old lady.
"Wal," the man replied, "She ain't no better and I can't see she's any worse. I don't think she's goin' to get well but I don't believe she'll die for a spell yit."
As we drove out of the yard, he added: "I think she's goin' to linger along 'bout as she is. 'Bout half and half. But at least, she's stopped that damned quackling."


Long skirts would be truly bliss
To girls with legs like this ( ) or this )(.


No matter the number of names on my list,
The first card I get is from someone I've missed.


Behind every man who's successful,
Chockful of vigor and bounce,
There's a good, reliable woman
Running up charge accounts.


That we've gone far in medicine
I'm certain you'll agree,
What once we used to call an itch
Is now an allergy.


Bottles by the roadside,
Cans and cardboard clutter,
Beer's our national drink-
You can tell it by the gutter.


When it comes to getting news around
You'll find out without fail
That the female of the species is
Lots faster than the mail.


Concerning old affairs:
'Tis better to have met
A heart that can't remember
Than a tongue that can't forget.


Copyright 2000 Claude Dern, All Rights Reserved
This site hosted by