HUMOR
BUMPERSTICKERS
AROUND THE TOWN
I used to
have a handle on life, but it broke
BEER: It's not just
for breakfast anymore.
I R S
We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
Hang up and drive
Out of my mind....Back
in five minutes
God must love
stupid people...He made so many
I took an IQ
test and the results were negative
Where there's a
will...I want to be in it
It's lonely at the
top, but you eat better
Ever stop to think
and forget to start again?
KEEP
HONKING while I reload
Taxation with
representation isn't so hot, either!
EARTH FIRST!
We'll strip mine the other planets later
Whitewater is over
when the First Lady sings
Jack Kevorkian for
White House physician
SCHOOL
BORED
Comments
on teacher's evaluations of students:
Dull but
steady - would make a good parent.
The dawn of
legibility in his handwriting reveals his utter
incapacity to spell.
Brian contributes
very nicely to the group singing by helpful listening.
Possible
maladjustment - reads books.
1st semester:
trying. 2nd semester: very trying.
If you can't be
immature at 7, when can you be?
ALUMNI
W. Howard
Botley IV has bought his son Jason '95 a cowboy outfit. A
25,000 acre ranch, 1500 cattle and 258 horses
"Any physical
defects?" asked the draft-board doctor of Tim Seeley
'98. "Yes sir, no guts." was the reply.
BOOKS
Bachelor
Bait
Since Eve Ate
Apples
Some Girls Know How
Doing It In The
Kitchen
(New Cookbooks in
the School Library)
DID
SOMEBODY SAY BEARTOWN
|
HALF
and HALF
A Beartown
resident had a mother-in-law living with him. She had a
stroke and was a great care. This was before trained
nurses and in spite of help from the neighbors, the
family had a hard time of it. Finally they reached the
point where they were looking forward to her passing. For
some time she had a rattling in her throat which seemed a
sign that the end was near.
One morning Grandfather and I were passing the house, he
drove into the yard to ask after the old lady.
"Wal," the man replied, "She ain't no
better and I can't see she's any worse. I don't think she's
goin' to get well but I don't believe she'll die for a
spell yit."
As we drove out of the yard, he added: "I think she's
goin' to linger along 'bout as she is. 'Bout half
and half. But at least, she's stopped that
damned quackling."
VERSE
Long
skirts would be truly bliss
To girls with legs like this ( ) or this )(.
CARD
GAME
No matter
the number of names on my list,
The first card I get is from someone I've missed.
CREDIT
Behind
every man who's successful,
Chockful of vigor and bounce,
There's a good, reliable woman
Running up charge accounts.
NEW
MEDICINE
That we've
gone far in medicine
I'm certain you'll agree,
What once we used to call an itch
Is now an allergy.
LITTER
Bottles by
the roadside,
Cans and cardboard clutter,
Beer's our national drink-
You can tell it by the gutter.
SPEED
When it
comes to getting news around
You'll find out without fail
That the female of the species is
Lots faster than the mail.
PAST
TENSE
Concerning
old affairs:
'Tis better to have met
A heart that can't remember
Than a tongue that can't forget.
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