Bear News Beartown News

JULY 1, 2008



An elderly man on a Moped, Looking about 100 years old, Pulls up next to a doctor at a street light. The old man looks over at the sleek shiny car And
" What kind of car ya got there, sonny ?"
The doctor replies,
" A Ferrari GTO. It cost half a million dollars ! "
"That's a lot of money, "says the old man. " Why does it cost so much?"
" Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour !" States the doctor proudly.
The Moped driver asks,
"Mind if I take a look inside ?"
" No problem," replies the doctor. So the old man pokes his head in the window And looks around. Then, sitting back on his Moped, the old man says, " That's a pretty nice car, all right... But I'll stick with
my Moped !"

Just then the light changes, So the doctor decides to show The old man just what his car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds The  speedometer reads 160 mph. Suddenly, he notices a dot In his rear view
mirror. It seems to be getting closer ! He slows down to see what it could be And suddenly WHOOOOSSSHHH !
Something whips by him going much faster !
" What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari ?" the doctor asks himself. He presses harder on the
accelerator And takes the Ferrari up to 250 mph. Then, up ahead of him, He sees that it's the old man on the Moped ! Amazed that the Moped could pass
His Ferrari, He gives it more gas And passes the Moped at 275 mph and he's feeling pretty good until he looks in his Mirror and sees the old man
gaining on him AGAIN ! Astounded by the speed of this old guy, He floors the gas pedal and takes the Ferrari all the way up to 320 mph. Not ten seconds
later, he sees the Moped Bearing down on him again! The Ferrari is flat out and there's nothing he can do! Suddenly, the Moped plows Into the back of
his Ferrari, Demolishing the rear end. The doctor stops and jumps out and unbelievably The old man is still alive. He runs up to the banged-up old guy and says,
" I'm a doctor.... Is there anything I can do for you ?"
The old man whispers,
" Unhook my suspenders from your side view mirror ".



OPEC sells oil for $136.00 a barrel. 
OPEC nations buy U.S. grain at $7.00 a bushel. 
Solution: Sell grain for $136.00 a bushel. 
Can't buy it? Tough! Eat your oil! 
Ought to go well with a nice thick grilled filet of camel ass!!!




We, in Ireland , can't figure out why you are even bothering to hold an election  in the United States this year.
 On one side, you have a witch who is a lawyer, married to a lawyer, running against a lawyer who is married to a witch who is a lawyer.
 On the other side, you have a war hero married to a good looking rich woman who owns a beer distributorship.
What are you lads thinking over there?"

G. W. BUSH's Intelligence Test

While visiting England, George W. Bush is invited to tea with the Queen. He asks her what her leadership philosophy is. She says that it is to surround herself with intelligent people. He asks how she knows if they're intelligent.
"I do so by asking them the right questions," says the Queen. "Allow me to demonstrate."
She phones Tony Blair and says, "Mr. Prime Minister. Please answer this question: Your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?"
Tony Blair responds, "It's me, ma'am."
"Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir," says the Queen. She hangs up and says, "Did you get that, Mr. Bush?"
"Yes ma'am. Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!"
Upon returning to Washington, he decides he'd better put the Chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee to the test. He summons Jesse Helms to the White House and says, "Senator Helms, I wonder if you can answer a question for me."
"Why, of course, sir. What's on your mind?"
"Uh, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"
Helms hems and haws and finally asks, "Can I think about it and get back to you?" Bush agrees, and Helms leaves. He immediately calls a meeting of other senior senators, and they puzzle over the question for several hours, but nobody can come up with an answer. Finally, in desperation, Helms calls Colin Powell at the State Department and explains his problem.
"Now look here Colin Powell, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother, or your sister. Who is it?" Powell answers immediately, "It's me, of course, you dumb ass."
Much relieved, Helms rushes back to the White House and exclaims, "I know the answer, sir! I know who it is! It's Colin Powell!" And Bush replies in disgust, "Wrong, you dumb ass it's Tony Blair''



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