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 JULY 1, 2008 |
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JULY 1, 2008 |
HUMOR THE MOPED
An elderly man on a Moped, Looking
about 100 years old, Pulls up next to a doctor at a street light. The
old man looks over at the sleek shiny car And
asks, " What kind of car ya got there, sonny ?" The doctor replies, " A Ferrari GTO. It cost half a million dollars ! " "That's a lot of money, "says the old man. " Why does it cost so much?" " Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour !" States the doctor proudly. The Moped driver asks, "Mind if I take a look inside ?" " No problem," replies the doctor. So the old man pokes his head in the window And looks around. Then, sitting back on his Moped, the old man says, " That's a pretty nice car, all right... But I'll stick with my Moped !" Just then the light changes, So the doctor decides to show The old man just what his car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds The speedometer reads 160 mph. Suddenly, he notices a dot In his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer ! He slows down to see what it could be And suddenly WHOOOOSSSHHH ! Something whips by him going much faster ! " What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari ?" the doctor asks himself. He presses harder on the accelerator And takes the Ferrari up to 250 mph. Then, up ahead of him, He sees that it's the old man on the Moped ! Amazed that the Moped could pass His Ferrari, He gives it more gas And passes the Moped at 275 mph and he's feeling pretty good until he looks in his Mirror and sees the old man gaining on him AGAIN ! Astounded by the speed of this old guy, He floors the gas pedal and takes the Ferrari all the way up to 320 mph. Not ten seconds later, he sees the Moped Bearing down on him again! The Ferrari is flat out and there's nothing he can do! Suddenly, the Moped plows Into the back of his Ferrari, Demolishing the rear end. The doctor stops and jumps out and unbelievably The old man is still alive. He runs up to the banged-up old guy and says, " I'm a doctor.... Is there anything I can do for you ?" The old man whispers, " Unhook my suspenders from your side view mirror ".
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
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IRELAND'S THOUGHTS on ELECTION
We, in Ireland
, can't figure out why you are even
bothering to hold an election in the
United States this year.
On
one side, you have a witch who
is a lawyer, married to a lawyer,
running against a lawyer who is
married to a witch who is a lawyer.
On
the other side, you have a war
hero married to a good looking rich
woman who owns a beer distributorship.
What are you lads thinking
over there?"
G. W. BUSH's Intelligence Test
While visiting England, George W. Bush
is invited to tea with the Queen. He
asks her what her leadership
philosophy is. She says that it is to
surround herself with intelligent
people. He asks how she knows if
they're intelligent.
"I do so by asking them the right
questions,"
says the Queen.
"Allow me to demonstrate."
She phones Tony Blair and says,
"Mr. Prime Minister. Please answer
this question: Your mother has a
child, and your father has a child,
and this child is not your brother or
sister. Who is it?"
Tony Blair responds,
"It's me, ma'am."
"Correct. Thank you and good-bye,
sir,"
says the Queen. She hangs up and says,
"Did you get that, Mr. Bush?"
"Yes ma'am. Thanks a lot. I'll
definitely be using that!"
Upon returning to Washington, he
decides he'd better put the Chairman
of the Senate Foreign Relations
Committee to the test. He summons
Jesse Helms to the White House and
says,
"Senator Helms, I wonder if you can
answer a question for me."
"Why, of course, sir. What's on your
mind?"
"Uh, your mother has a child, and your
father has a child, and this child is
not your brother or your sister. Who
is it?"
Helms hems and haws and finally asks,
"Can I think about it and get back to
you?"
Bush agrees, and Helms leaves. He
immediately calls a meeting of other
senior senators, and they puzzle over
the question for several hours, but
nobody can come up with an answer.
Finally, in desperation, Helms calls
Colin Powell at the State Department
and explains his problem.
"Now look here Colin Powell, your
mother has a child, and your father
has a child, and this child is not
your brother, or your sister. Who is
it?"
Powell answers immediately,
"It's me, of course, you dumb ass."
Much relieved, Helms rushes back to
the White House and exclaims,
"I know the answer, sir! I know who it
is! It's Colin Powell!"
And Bush replies in disgust,
"Wrong, you dumb ass it's Tony Blair''
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