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 JULY 1, 2004 |
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JULY 1, 2004 |
HUMOR 911
Dispatcher:
Nine-one-one.
Caller: Hi, is this the police? Dispatcher: This is 911. Do you need police assistance? Caller: Well, I don't know who to call. Can you tell me how to cook a turkey? I've never cooked one before. Dispatcher: Nine-one-one. What is the nature of your emergency?Caller: I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have an eleven on it. Dispatcher: This is nine eleven. Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing. Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid. Dispatcher: Nine-one-one. What's the nature of your emergency?Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart. Dispatcher: Is this her first child? Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband. Dispatcher: Nine-one-one.Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath. Darn...I think I'm going to pass out. Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from? Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster. Damn.... Dispatcher: Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic? Caller: No. Dispatcher: What where you doing before you started having trouble breathing? Caller: Running from the police. TO BE SIX AGAIN
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AQMED the TALIBAN
Aqmed, a fleeing Taliban, desperate for water,
is plodding through the Afghanistan desert
when he sees something far off in the
distance. Hoping to find water, he walks
toward the image, only to find Sol, a little
old Jewish man, sitting at a card table with a
bunch of neckties laid out on it.
Aqmed
asks,
"I'm dying of thirst, can I have some water?"
Sol
replies,
"I
don't have any water, but why don't you buy a
tie? They're only $150. Here's one that goes
very nicely with your robes."
The
Arab shouts,
"I
don't want an overpriced tie, you idiot! I
need water!"
The
little Jewish old man replies,
"OK, then, don't buy my ties. But to show you
what a nice guy I am, I'll tell you that over
that hill there, about three miles, is a nice
restaurant. Walk that way; they'll have all
the water you need."
Aqmed
begrudgingly thanks him, then staggers away
towards the hill and eventually disappears.
Four
hours later, the Arab comes crawling back to
where Sol is still sitting behind his card
table.
Sol
says,
"I
told you, about three miles over that hill.
Couldn't you find it?"
To
which, Aqmed gasps,
"I
found it all right. Your brother wouldn't let
me in without a tie."
COWS Cows, Is
it just me or does anyone else find it amazing
that our government can track a cow born in
Canada almost three years ago, right to If you lived here, you'd be home now.
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Copyright 2000 Claude Dern, All
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