Just click above.
Don't forget to click BACK. While you're here, play
with the bubblewrap. Just click below.
If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic.
Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and
presto! The blockage will be almost instantly removed.
Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing
vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while
you chop away.
Avoid arguments with the missus
about lifting the toilet seat by simply peeing in the
High blood pressure sufferers: simply cut
yourself and bleed for a while thus reducing the pressure
in your veins.
A mousetrap, placed on top of your
alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going
back to sleep when you hit the snooze button.
you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives,
then you will be afraid to cough.
Have a bad tooth
ache? Hit your thumb with a hammer, then you will forget
about the toothache.
Sometimes we Just Need to Remember
What The Rules of Life Really Are... You need only two
tools: WD-40 and
Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and it
should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the
CALL THE POLICE
George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi, was going up to
bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in
the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom
George opened the back door to go turn off the light but saw
that there were people in the shed stealing things. He
phoned the police, who asked "Is
someone in your house?" and he said no. Then they
said that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply
lock his door and an officer would be along when available.
George said, "Okay," hung up,
counted to 50, and phoned the police again.
"Hello I just called you a few seconds
ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don't
have to worry about them now cause I've just shot them all."
Then he hung up.
Within five minutes three police cars, an Armed Response
unit, and an ambulance showed up at the Phillips residence.
Of course, the police caught the burglars red-handed.
One of the Policemen said to George:
"I thought you said that you'd shot them!"
George said, "I thought you said there
was nobody available!"
The five most essential words for
a healthy, vital relationship are
"You are right."
Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
Never pass up an opportunity to potty.
If You Woke up Breathing, Congratulations! You
have another chance!
Be Really Good To Your Family and Friends. You
never know when you are going to need them to
empty your bedpan!
"Never Drive Faster Than Your Guardian Angel Can
"If At First You Don't Succeed, Destroy All Evidence
That You Tried."
"Just because I'm wandering, Doesn't mean I'm