Bear News Beartown News

JULY 1, 2001

HUMOR

EGGS

The codfish lays ten thousand eggs,
The homely hen lays one.
The codfish never cackles
To tell you what she's done.
And so we scorn the codfish,
While the humble hen we prize,
Which only goes to show you
That it pays to advertise.


THINGS YOU'LL HEAR IN BEARTOWN

The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in high school was my blood alcohol content.
I live in my own little world, but it's OK, they know me here.
I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'GUESS' on it. I said, "Thyroid problem?"
Buy one dog, get one flea.
Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
I see your IQ test results were negative.
Regular naps prevent old age... especially if you take them while driving.
When I was born, I was so surprised I couldn't talk for a year and a half.
The most precious thing we have is life. Yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.
I have learned there is little difference in husbands, you might as well keep the first.
Travel is very educational. I can now say "Kaopectate" in seven different languages.
I was on a date recently, and the guy took me horsebackriding. That was fun, until we ran out of quarters.
After all is said and done, usually more is said than done.
Save your breath... You'll need it to blow up your date.
On my first day of school my parents dropped me off at the wrong nursery. There I was... surrounded by trees and shrubs.
Stop complaining. Remember, your garbage disposal eats better than 1/3 of the people in this world.


DID SOMEBODY SAY
BEARTOWN

THINGS YOU'LL NEVER HEAR IN BEARTOWN

You can't feed that to the dog.
Duct tape won't fix that.
Is my hair too big?
I'll take Shakespear for $1000, Alex.
The tires on that truck are way too big.
Elvis who?
You can't drive to grade school.


I SOMETIMES THINK

I sometimes think I'd rather crow
And be a rooster than to roost
And be a crow. But I dunno.

A rooster he can roost also,
Which don't seem fair when crows can't crow.
Whiich may help some. Still I dunno.

Crows should be glad of one thing, though;
Nobody thinks of eating crow,
While roosters they are good enough
For anyone unless they're tough.

There are lots of tough old roosters, though,
And anyway a crow can't crow,
So mebby roosters stand more to show.
It looks that way. But I dunno.


Be Sure to Listen for AOL


WINDOWS 95

32-bit extensions and a graphical shell for a 16-bit patch to an 8-bit operating system originally coded for a 4-bit microprocessor, written by a 2-bit company that can't stand 1-bit of competition.


Email: dernc@sover.net


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