HUMOR
EGGS
The
codfish lays ten thousand eggs,
The homely hen lays one.
The codfish never cackles
To tell you what she's done.
And so we scorn the codfish,
While the humble hen we prize,
Which only goes to show you
That it pays to advertise.
THINGS
YOU'LL HEAR IN BEARTOWN
The
closest I ever got to a 4.0 in high school was my blood
alcohol content.
I live in my own
little world, but it's OK, they know me here.
I saw a woman
wearing a sweatshirt with 'GUESS' on it. I said, "Thyroid
problem?"
Buy one dog, get
one flea.
Money can't buy
happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
I see your IQ test
results were negative.
Regular naps
prevent old age... especially if you take them while
driving.
When I was born, I
was so surprised I couldn't talk for a year and a half.
The most precious
thing we have is life. Yet it has absolutely no trade-in
value.
I have learned
there is little difference in husbands, you might as well
keep the first.
Travel is very
educational. I can now say "Kaopectate" in
seven different languages.
I was on a date
recently, and the guy took me horsebackriding. That was
fun, until we ran out of quarters.
After all is said
and done, usually more is said than done.
Save your breath...
You'll need it to blow up your date.
On my first day of
school my parents dropped me off at the wrong nursery.
There I was... surrounded by trees and shrubs.
Stop complaining.
Remember, your garbage disposal eats better than 1/3 of
the people in this world.
DID
SOMEBODY SAY
BEARTOWN
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THINGS YOU'LL NEVER HEAR IN BEARTOWN
You can't feed that to the dog.
Duct
tape won't fix that.
Is my
hair too big?
I'll
take Shakespear for $1000, Alex.
The
tires on that truck are way too big.
Elvis
who?
You
can't drive to grade school.
I SOMETIMES THINK
I sometimes think I'd rather crow
And be a rooster than to roost
And be a crow. But I dunno.
A rooster he can roost also,
Which don't seem fair when crows can't crow.
Whiich may help some. Still I dunno.
Crows should be glad of one thing, though;
Nobody thinks of eating crow,
While roosters they are good enough
For anyone unless they're tough.
There are lots of tough old roosters, though,
And anyway a crow can't crow,
So mebby roosters stand more to show.
It looks that way. But I dunno.
Be
Sure to Listen for AOL
WINDOWS 95
32-bit extensions and a graphical shell for
a 16-bit patch to an 8-bit operating system originally
coded for a 4-bit microprocessor, written by a 2-bit
company that can't stand 1-bit of competition.
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