Bear News Beartown News

JULY 1, 2000


A man named Arron was counting his change from a transaction at the Beartown General Store when a fellow resident asked him "Did you get the proper amount?" And Arron replied "Just barely."

One Vermonter kept a bag in his attic labeled "Pieces of string to short to use."

A Vermonter had promised some summer people to finish work on their house by the end of June. When they arrived to find the work unfinished they were very displeased as they had heard many promises that the work would be completed. "Why is the work not done as you promised?" they asked.
"Well I'll tell ya, June didn't turn out to be as long as I'd figured."

One nice thing about the atomic age - you don't have to worry about learning that war has been declared. If you wake up it hasn't.

History keeps repeating itself because we weren't listening the first time.

Always listen to the opinions of others. It probably won't do you any good, but it will them.

He could have married any girl he pleased - but he never pleased any.

When a woman refuses to tell her weight, you can be sure she weighs one hundred and plenty.

The Indian invented the Totem pole and now finds out he's the low man on it.

Some girls don't have the legs for mini skirts - just the nerve.

A little boy is much like a canoe - they both behave better if paddled from the rear.

The big fish always gets away - that's why they're big.

A cocktail party is where drinks mix people.

She didn't want to marry him for his money, but there wasn't any other easy way to get it.

It's hard to believe, isn't it, that the United States was founded to avoid taxation.

Any goverment that is big enough to give you everything you want is big enough to take everything you have got.


Mid-Summer in Vermont

Summer is now at the flood,
All the posies blooming;
Every bee and bumblebee
A-buzzing and a-blooming;
Lots of men and women, too,
Don't know where they're rooming.

Family groups are camping out
Near refreshing rivers;
Some that's wise are buying coal,
More are buying flivvers;
Folks jest back from Montreal
Are doctoring their livers.

Every gal is trying hard
To keep her tummy chilly;
Hitching-hikers hold you up
And board you willy-nilly;
Deacons fifty miles from home
Act a trifle silly.

Everything is right in tune,
Not a bird's note misses;
Never was a countryside
Prettier than this is;
Jest the place for holding hands,
Jest the time for kisses.

Mountain air and mountain streams
Everywhere the purest;
As the preacher sails away
Comes the happy tourist;
I should judge the state is safe,
If I was a jurist.

An optimist is a fellow who marries his secretary and thinks he can go right on dictating to her.

The world is divided into good people and bad people and the good people decide which is which.

Congress is now confronted with the unsolved problem of how to get the people to pay the taxes they can't afford for services they don't really need.

Inflation is when nobody has enough money, because everyone has too much.

There was a time when Uncle Sam lived within his income, and without ours.

An executive is one who never puts off until tomorrow what he can get someone else to do today.

Behind every successful man is a guy from the Internal Revenue Service.

When you're average you are as close to the bottom as you are to the top.

Some people's finances are in such a mess you'd think they were getting advice from the government.

Sign of middle age - when the phone rings on Saturday night and you hope it's not for you.


Copyright 2000 Claude Dern, All Rights Reserved
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