The wisdom of Larry the cable guy......
A day without sunshine is like night.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the
99 percent of lawyers
give the rest a bad name.
Remember, half the people you know are below average.
He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse
gets the cheese in the trap.
bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad
Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of
OK, so what's the speed of dark?
When everything is
coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Hard work pays off in the future.
Laziness pays off now.
How much deeper would
the ocean be without sponges?
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet
What happens if you get
scared half to death, twice?
Why do psychics have to ask you your name?
Inside every older person is a younger person
wondering, 'What the heck happened?'
Just remember -- if the world didn't suck, we would
all fall off.
Light travels faster
than sound. That's why some people appear bright
until you hear them speak.
Life isn't like a box of chocolates. It's more like a
jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your
If 4 out of 5
from diarrhea...does that mean that one out of five enjoys it?
Why do croutons
come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?
If people from Poland are called Poles, then why aren't people from
Holland called Holes?
it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the
others here for?
If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons
and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use. Toothpicks?
Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we
supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on
the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver
Is it true that you never really learn to swear until you learn to
As income tax time approaches, did you ever notice: When you put the
two words 'The' and 'IRS' together, it spells
DID SOMEBODY SAY