Bear News Beartown News

JUNE 1, 2009


The wisdom of Larry the cable guy......

A day without sunshine is like night.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
Remember, half the people you know are below average.
He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.
Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
OK, so what's the speed of dark?
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Hard work pays off in the future.
Laziness pays off now.
How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?
Why do psychics have to ask you your name?
Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, 'What the heck happened?'
Just remember -- if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.
Light travels faster than sound.  That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Life isn't like a box of chocolates. It's more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.


If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one out of five enjoys it?  
Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?
If people from Poland are called Poles, then why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of  bald men?
I  thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use. Toothpicks? 
Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
Is it true that you never really learn to swear until you learn to drive? 
As income tax time  approaches, did you ever notice: When you put the two words 'The' and 'IRS' together, it spells 




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