Bear News Beartown News

JUNE 1, 2005



A Beartown couple in their 80s were having trouble remembering things, so they decided to visit Dr. DeBear and get checked out.
They explained the problem they were having with their memory.  After an examination the Doctor told them they were physically OK but they might consider writing things down to help them remember.
That evening, during the evening news, the husband got up from his chair and the wife asked where he was going.
He replied that he was going to the kitchen.  She then asked him to get her a bowl of ice cream.  He said. "OK".  She said, "Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember?"
"I can remember that." he says.  The wife then says, " I'd like some chocolate syrup and a cherry on top.  You'd better write that down or you will certainly forget."
He said, "I can remember that.  You want a bowl of ice cream with chocolate syrup and a cherry on top.  I can remember,  I don't need to write that down."
About 15 minutes later he returns with a plate of bacon and eggs for his wife.  She looks at the plate and states, "You forgot my toast!"


Two neighboring farmers cannot stop feuding. One, out hunting, shoots a duck which falls inside the other's field. Climbing over the fence, he is stopped by farmer #2 who claims the duck as his since it ended up in his field. After much arguing farmer #2 states that he is prepared to settle the matter by the Viking method.
He explains that the method involves kicking each other in turn between the legs until one gives up, and the other is the winner.
Farmer #1 agrees reluctantly. Farmer #2 states that since they are on his land, he goes first. Farmer #1 stands with legs apart and hands on hips while Farmer #2 takes an almighty swing with his foot and sends farmer #1 into the air.
After ten minutes writhing on the ground
farmer #1 eventually gets to his feet and prepares to take his turn.
Farmer #2 turns and walks away saying " O.K. I give in! You keep the duck!"


A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a Beartown Transit bus.  She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused.  When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.
The case came up in court. The judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself. The man replied,
"Well your Honor, it was like this:
When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition.  She sat under a sweets sign that said, "The Double Mint Twins are Coming," and I grinned. Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, "
Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling," and I had to smile.  Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said, "William's Big Stick Did the Trick," and I could hardly contain myself. BUT, your Honor, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said:  "Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident".. I just lost it.'

If you lived here, you'd be home now.

Ham and eggs. A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a  pig.



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