humor7-01.htm

HUMOR

CHURCH NEWS?

- The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
- The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
- Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8pm in the recreation hall Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
- Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
- The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
- Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
- Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
- Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
- For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
- Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
- Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
- The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: "Break Forth Into Joy."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
- Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
- A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
- At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
- Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
- Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
- Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
- The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
- Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00pm - prayer and medication to follow.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
- The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

1912

Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England.
In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York.
This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico. But as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York. The ship hit an iceberg and sank, and the cargo was forever lost.
The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise and were eagerly awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss. Their anguish was so great, that they declared a National Day of Mourning which they still
observe to this day.
The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th and is known, of course, as Sinko de Mayo.

How Blonde Was She???

She was Soooooooo Blonde .
* She thought a quarterback was a refund.
* She thought General Motors was in the army.
* She thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.
* She thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.
* At the bottom of an application where it says "Sign here:" she wrote "Sagittarius."

MORE CHURCH NEWS?

- This evening at 7pm there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
- Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10am. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
- The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
- Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7pm. Please use the back door.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
- The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church Basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
- The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."

DID SOMEBODY SAY
BEARTOWN

HOME	NEWS	MYSTERY
BOOKS	COUNTRY CORNER
LETTERS	ARCHIVES

Email: dernc@sover.net