MAY 1, 2004
While suturing a
laceration on the hand of a 70-year-old Massachusetts farmer
whose hand had been caught in a fence while working his
livestock, a doctor and the old man were talking about Senator
John Kerry possibly being in the White House one day. The old
farmer said, "Well, ya know, that
Mr. Kerry is what we call a 'post turtle'."
Need To Know About Life, I Learned From A
1. Wake up in a happy mooo-d.
The day after losing his wife in a diving accident, a man answered his door to find two grim-faced Alaska State Troopers.
"We're sorry to call on you at this hour, Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife."
"Tell me! Did you find her?" the man cried.
The troopers looked at each other. One said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?"
Fearing the worse, an ashen Mr. Wilkens said, "Give me the bad news first."
The trooper said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife's body in Kachemak Bay."
"Oh my god!" said Mr. Wilkens, overcome by emotion. Swallowing hard, he asked, "What's the good news?"
The trooper continued. "When we pulled her up she had two five-pound king crabs and a half-dozen good size Dungeness crabs on her."
Stunned, Mr. Wilkens demanded, "If that's the good news, then what's the great news?"
The trooper said, "We're going to pull her up again tomorrow."
If you lived here, you'd be home now.
Copyright 2000 Claude Dern, All Rights Reserved
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