Bear News Beartown News

MAY 1, 2003

HUMOR


ME MUDDER

When me prayers were poorly said Who tucked me in me widdle bed
And spanked me till me arse was red
ME MUDDER
Who took me from me cozy cot
And put me on the ice cold pot
And made me pee when I could not
ME MUDDER
And when the morning light would come
And in me crib me dribbled some
Who wiped me tiny widdle bum

ME MUDDER
Who would me hair so neatly part
And hug me gently to her heart
Who sometimes squeezed me till me
fart
ME MUDDER
Who looked at me with eyebrows knit
And nearly have a king size fit
When in me Sunday pants me shit
ME MUDDER
When at night her bed did squeak Me raised me head to have a peek
Who yelled at me to go to sleep

ME FADDER


  WILL ROGERS' QUOTES
 

Don't squat with your spurs on.
Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in.
If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.
If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else's dog around.
After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you're full of bull keep your mouth shut.
Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.
There's two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither one works.
If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop digging.
Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.
It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.
Always drink upstream from the herd.
When you give a lesson in meanness to a critter or a person, don't be surprised if they learn their lesson.
When you're throwin' your weight around, be ready to have it thrown around by somebody else.
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
There are three kinds of men. The ones that learn by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.



HA  HA  HA

 

BURMA SHAVE

For those of you who never saw the Burma Shave signs, here is a quick lesson in our history of the 1930s and 1940s. Before the Interstates, when everyone drove the old 2-lane roads, Burma Shave signs would be posted all over the countryside in farmers' fields. They were small red signs with white letters. Five signs, about 100 feet apart, each containing 1 line of a 4 line couplet...and the obligatory 5th sign advertising Burma Shave, a popular shaving cream.
 

DON'T LOSE YOUR HEAD
TO GAIN A MINUTE
YOU NEED YOUR HEAD
YOUR BRAINS ARE IN IT

Burma Shave
DROVE TOO LONG
DRIVER SNOOZING
WHAT HAPPENED NEXT
IS NOT AMUSING

Burma Shave
BROTHER SPEEDER,
LET'S REHEARSE;
ALL TOGETHER,
GOOD MORNING NURSE

Burma Shave
CAUTIOUS RIDER
TO HER RECKLESS DEAR
LET'S HAVE LESS BULL
AND LOTS MORE STEER

Burma Shave
SPEED WAS HIGH
WEATHER WAS NOT
TIRES WERE THIN
X MARKES THE SPOT

Burma Shave
THE MIDNIGHT RIDE
OF PAUL FOR BEER
LED HIM TO
A WARMER HEMISPHERE
Burma Shave
AROUND THE CURVE
LICKETY-SPLIT
IT'S A BEAUTIFUL NEW CAR
WASN'T IT

Burma Shave
NO MATTER THE PRICE
NO MATTER HOW NEW
THE BEST SAFETY DEVICE
IN THE CAR IS YOU

Burma Shave
A GUY WHO DRIVES
A CAR WIDE OPEN
IS NOT THINKIN'
HE'S JUST HOPIN'

Burma Shave
AT INTERSECTIONS
LOOK EACH WAY
A HARP SOUNDS NICE
BUT ITS HARD TO PLAY

Burma Shave
BOTH HANDS ON THE WHEEL
EYES ON THE ROAD
THAT'S THE SKILLFUL
DRIVER'S CODE

Burma Shave
THE ONE WHO DRIVES
WHEN HE'S BEEN DRINKING
DEPENDS ON YOU
TO DO HIS THINKING

Burma Shave
CAR IN DITCH
DRIVER IN TREE
THE MOON WAS FULL
AND SO WAS HE
.
Burma Shave
PASSING SCHOOL ZONE
TAKE IT SLOW
LET OUR LITTLE
SHAVERS GROW

Burma Shave



DID SOMEBODY SAY
BEARTOWN


Email: dernc@sover.net


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