MAY 1, 2003
me prayers were poorly said Who tucked me in me widdle bed
And spanked me till me arse was red
Who took me from me cozy cot
And put me on the ice cold pot
And made me pee when I could not
And when the morning light would come
And in me crib me dribbled some
Who wiped me tiny widdle bum
Who would me hair so neatly part
And hug me gently to her heart
Who sometimes squeezed me till me
Who looked at me with eyebrows knit
And nearly have a king size fit
When in me Sunday pants me shit
When at night her bed did squeak Me raised me head to have a
Who yelled at me to go to sleep
WILL ROGERS' QUOTES
Don't squat with your spurs on.
Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes
from bad judgment.
Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n
puttin' it back in.
If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every
now and then to make sure it's still there.
If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence,
try ordering somebody else's dog around.
After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he
started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and
shot him. The moral: When you're full of bull keep your
Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.
There's two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither one
If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is
Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.
It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.
Always drink upstream from the herd.
When you give a lesson in meanness to a critter or a person,
don't be surprised if they learn their lesson.
When you're throwin' your weight around, be ready to have it
thrown around by somebody else.
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and
put it back in your pocket.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
There are three kinds of men. The ones that learn by
reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them
have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.
those of you who never saw the
Burma Shave signs, here is a quick
lesson in our history of the 1930s and 1940s. Before
the Interstates, when everyone drove the old 2-lane
roads, Burma Shave
signs would be posted all over the countryside in
farmers' fields. They were small red signs with
white letters. Five signs, about 100 feet apart,
each containing 1 line of a 4 line couplet...and the
obligatory 5th sign advertising
Burma Shave, a
popular shaving cream.
DON'T LOSE YOUR HEAD
TO GAIN A MINUTE
YOU NEED YOUR HEAD
YOUR BRAINS ARE IN IT
DROVE TOO LONG
WHAT HAPPENED NEXT
IS NOT AMUSING
GOOD MORNING NURSE
TO HER RECKLESS DEAR
LET'S HAVE LESS BULL
AND LOTS MORE STEER
SPEED WAS HIGH
WEATHER WAS NOT
TIRES WERE THIN
X MARKES THE SPOT
THE MIDNIGHT RIDE
OF PAUL FOR BEER
LED HIM TO
A WARMER HEMISPHERE
AROUND THE CURVE
IT'S A BEAUTIFUL NEW CAR
NO MATTER THE PRICE
NO MATTER HOW NEW
THE BEST SAFETY DEVICE
IN THE CAR IS YOU
A GUY WHO DRIVES
A CAR WIDE OPEN
IS NOT THINKIN'
HE'S JUST HOPIN'
LOOK EACH WAY
A HARP SOUNDS NICE
BUT ITS HARD TO PLAY
BOTH HANDS ON THE WHEEL
EYES ON THE ROAD
THAT'S THE SKILLFUL
THE ONE WHO DRIVES
WHEN HE'S BEEN DRINKING
DEPENDS ON YOU
TO DO HIS THINKING
CAR IN DITCH
DRIVER IN TREE
THE MOON WAS FULL
AND SO WAS HE.
PASSING SCHOOL ZONE
TAKE IT SLOW
LET OUR LITTLE
Copyright 2000 Claude Dern, All
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