HUMOR
YOU
KNOW YOU ARE FROM BEARTOWN WHEN:
Your idea
of a traffic jam is four cars waiting to pass a tractor
on the road.
"Vacation"
means going to Burlington for the weekend.
You measure
distance in hours.
You know several
people that have hit moose more than once.
You often switch
from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
Your grandparents
drive at 65MPH through 3 feet of snow during a raging
blizzard, without flinching.
You see people
wearing hunting clothes at social events.
You install
security lights on your house and barn but leave both
unlocked.
You think of the
major food groups as deer meat, beer, fish, and berries.
You carry jumper
cables in your car and all passengers know how to use
them.
There are at least
6 empty cars running in the parking lot at the Beartown
Market at any given time.
You design your kid's
Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
Driving is better
in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
You think sexy
lingerie is tube socks and flannel pajamas.
You know the 4
seasons as: Almost Winter, Winter, Still Winter, and
Construction.
It takes you 3
hours to go to the store for one item even when you're in
a rush because you have to stop and talk to everyone in
town.
You actually
understand these facts and tell them to all your native
Vermont friends!
WHEN
PA IS SICK
When Pa is
sick, he's scared to death
An' Ma an' us just holds our breath.
He crawls in bed an' puffs and grunts,
An' does all kinds of crazy stunts.
He wants Doc Brown, an' "mighty quick,"
For when Pa's ill, he's awful sick.
He gasps an' groans, an' sort of sighs;
He talks so queer, and rolls his eyes.
Ma jumps an' runs an' all of us,
An' peace an' joy is mighty scarce...
When Pa is sick, it's something fierce!
DID
SOMEBODY SAY
BEARTOWN
|
WANT
TO BUY A HORSE?
THE
GENERAL STORE
A Beartown
farmer was digging a ditch when his shovel handle broke,
so he drove down to the General Store to get a
replacement. The owner listened to his needs and then
spent twenty minutes rummaging through the back room of
the store. At last he found a handle that matched the
broken one.
"How much?" asked the farmer.
"It's $3.25, but I can't sell it." said the
storekeeper.
"Why not?"
"Well, this is
the only one I have in stock, and I have to keep it in
case somebody need one."
WHEN
MA IS SICK
When Ma is
sick she plugs away;
She's quiet, though, not much to say.
She goes right on a-doing
things,
An'; sometimes laughs and even sings.
She says she don't feel extra well;
But then, it's a kinda spell.
She'll be all right tomorrow, sure.
A good old sleep will be the cure.
An' Pa, he sniffs and makes no kick,
"For women-folks is 'always sick!"
An' Ma, she smiles, lets on she's glad;
When Ma is sick, it ain't so bad!
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