Bear News Beartown News

APRIL 1, 2009


Irish Alzheimer's...

Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday and the priest almost fainted when he saw him.
Murphy had never been seen in Church in his life.
After Mass, the priest caught up with Murphy and said,
'Murphy, I am so glad ya decided to come to Mass, what made ya come?'
Murphy said,
'I got to be honest with you Father, a while back, I misplaced me hat and I really, really love that hat. I know that McGlynn had a hat just like me hat, and I knew that McGlynn comes to Church every Sunday. I also knew that McGlynn had to take off his hat during Mass and figured he would leave it in the back of Church. So, I was going to leave after Communion and steal McGlynn's hat.'
priest said, 'Well, Murphy, I notice that ya didn't steal McGlynn's hat. What changed your mind?'
Murphy said,
'Well, after I heard your sermon on the 10 Commandments, I decided that I didn't need to steal McGlynn's hat after all.'
The priest gave Murphy a big smile and said,
'After I talked about 'Thou Shalt Not Steal' ya decided you would rather do without the hat than burn in Hell, right?'
Murphy slowly shook his head and said,
'No, Father, after ya talked about 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery', I remembered where I left me hat.'


In a time where so much is being made about our first black president, Ann Coulter made the following observation in her column on 2/25/2009:

”But as long as the nation is obsessed with historic milestones, is no one going to remark on what a great country it is where a mentally retarded woman can become speaker of the house?” 


A chicken farmer went to a local bar, sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne. 
The woman perked up and said,
'How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!' 
'What a coincidence' the farmer said. 'This is a special day for me. I am celebrating.' 
'This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating,' said the woman..' 
'What a coincidence!' said the farmer. 
As they clinked glasses he added,
'What are you celebrating?' 
'My husband and I have been trying to have a child and today my gynecologist told me that I am pregnant!' 
'What a coincidence!' said the man. 'I'm a chicken farmer and for years all of my hens were infertile, but today they are all laying fertilized eggs.' 
'That's great!' said the woman, 'How did your chickens become fertile?' 
'I used a different cock,' he replied. 
The woman smiled, clinked his glass and said,
'What a coincidence!'



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