APRIL 1, 2005
Constitution (Old Ironsides) as a combat vessel carried 48,600
gallons of fresh water for her crew of 475 officers and men. This was
sufficient to last six months of sustained operations at sea. She
carried no evaporators (i.e. fresh water distillers!).
LISTEN to this SONG
We praise the colorectal surgeon
THESE ARE ENTRIES TO A WASHINGTON POST COMPETITION ASKING FOR A RHYME
WITH THE MOST ROMANTIC FIRST LINE BUT THE LEAST ROMANTIC SECOND LINE:
Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss
But I only slept with you, because I was pissed.
I thought that I could love no other
Until, that is, I met your brother.
Roses are red, violets are blue,
sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead,
the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head
Of loving beauty you float with grace
If only you could hide your face.
Kind, intelligent, loving and hot
This describes everything that you are not.
I want to feel your sweet embrace
But don't take that paper bag off of your face.
I love your smile, your face, and your eyes
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!
My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you screwed up my life.
I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.
My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?
My feelings for you no words can tell
Except for maybe "Go To Hell".
What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.
truest definition of Globalization:
An English princess with an Egyptian boyfriend
crashes in a French tunnel, driving a German car with a Dutch engine, driven by a Belgian who was drunk on Scottish whisky, followed closely by Italian Paparazzi, on Japanese motorcycles;
treated by an American doctor, using Brazilian medicines.
This message was originated by an Englishman, using Bill Gates' technology,
and you're probably reading this on your computer, that uses Taiwanese chips,
and a Korean monitor, assembled by Bangladeshi workers in a Singapore plant, transported by Indian lorry-drivers,
hijacked by Indonesians, unloaded by Sicilian longshoremen, and trucked to you by Mexican illegals.....
That is Globalization!
If you lived here, you'd be home now.
Copyright 2000 Claude Dern, All Rights Reserved
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