Bear News Beartown News

APRIL 1, 2004


       Mayonnaise and Beer

When things in your life seem almost  too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the  mayonnaise jar.....and the beer.
A professor stood before his  philosophy class and had some items in front of him.  When the class began, wordlessly,  he picked up a very large, empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it  with golf balls.  He then asked the students if the jar was full.
They  agreed that it was.
So the professor then picked up a  box of pebbles and poured them into the jar.  He shook the jar lightly.  The pebbles rolled into the open  areas between the golf balls.   He then asked the  students again if the jar  was full.
They  agreed it was.
The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else.  He asked once more if the jar was  full.
The  students unanimously responded "yes."
The professor then produced two cans  of beer from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty
space between the sand.  The students
"Now," said the professor, as the  laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your  life. The golf balls are the
important things--your family, your children,  your health, your friends,
your favorite passions
--things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life could still be  full.  The pebbles are the  other things that matter like your job, your house, your car.  The sand is
everything else--the  "small stuff."

"If you put the sand into the jar  first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf  balls.  The same goes for  life.  If you
spend all your  time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you.   Pay attention to the
things that are critical to your  happiness.  Play with your  children. Take time to get medical checkups.  Play another 18. There will always  be time to clean the house, and fix the  disposal.  Take  care of the golf balls first, the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is  just sand."

One of the students raised her hand  and inquired what the beer represented. The professor smiled.  "I'm glad  you asked. It just goes to  show you that no matter how full your life may  seem, there's always room  for a couple of  beers."



1. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.  
2. He who laughs last, thinks slowest. 
3. A day without sunshine is like, well, night. 
4. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. 
5. Back up my hard drive? How do I put it in reverse? 
6. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory. 
7. When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty. 
8. Seen it all, done it all. Can't remember most of it. 
9. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't. 
10. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe. 
11. He's not dead. He's electroencephalographically challenged. 
12. She's always late. In fact, her ancestors arrived on the "Juneflower." 
13. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted and used against you. 
14. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges. 
15 Honk if you love peace and quiet. 
16. Pardon my driving, I'm reloading. 
17. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular? 
18. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool. 
19. It is hard to understand how a cemetery can raise its burial costs and blame it on the higher cost of living. 
20. Just remember if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off. 
21. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong. 
22. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them. 
23. You can't have everything. Where would you put it? 
24. Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world population. 
25. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it. 
26. The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first. 
27. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking. 
28. Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries. 
29. The shin bone is a device for finding furniture. 
30. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well. 
31. It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
32. Everybody lies; but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.
33. I wished the buck stopped here, as I could use a few.
34. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
35. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
36. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak

If you lived here, you'd be home now.



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