Someone out there either has too much spare time or is
GEORGE BUSH: When you rearrange the letters: HE BUGS GORE
DORMITORY: DIRTY ROOM
EVANGELIST: EVIL'S AGENT
PRESBYTERIAN: BEST IN PRAYER
DESPERATION: A ROPE ENDS IT
THE MORSE CODE: HERE COME DOTS
SLOT MACHINES: CASH LOST IN ME
ANIMOSITY: IS NO AMITY
MOTHER-IN-LAW: WOMAN HITLER
SNOOZE ALARMS: ALAS! NO MORE Z'S
A DECIMAL POINT: I'M A DOT IN PLACE
THE EARTHQUAKES: THAT QUEER SHAKE
ELEVEN PLUS TWO: TWELVE PLUS ONE
And for the grand finale: PRESIDENT CLINTON OF THE USA:
(With no letters left over and using each letter only once):
TO COPULATE HE FINDS INTERNS
A man is sitting next to the window in
an airliner, which is about to takeoff, when another man
with a Labrador Retriever sits down in the two empty seats
The Lab is situated in the middle, and the first man is
looking quizzically at the dog when the second man explains
that they work for the airline.
The dog's handler said, "Don't
mind Sniffer.... he's a "sniffing" dog, the best there is;
I'll show you once we get airborne when I put him to
The plane takes off and levels out when the handler says to
the first man, "Watch this."
He tells the dog, "Sniffer,
search." Sniffer jumps down,
walks along the aisle, and sits next to a woman for a few
seconds. He then returns to his seat and puts one paw on the
handler's arm. His master pats him on the head and tells him
The handler turns to the first man and says,
"That woman is in possession of
marijuana, so I'm making a note of this and her seat number
for the police, who will apprehend her on arrival."
replies the first man.
Once again the handler sends Sniffer to search the aisles.
The Lab sniffs about, sits down beside a man for a few
seconds, returns to its seat, and places two paws on the
handler's arm. The handler says,
"That man is carrying cocaine, so
again I'm making a note of this and the seat number."
says the first man.
A third time the handler sends Sniffer to search the aisles.
Sniffer goes up and down the plane and after a while sits
down next to someone. He then comes racing back, jumps up
onto his seat, and poops all over the place.
The first man is really grossed out by this behavior from a
supposedly well-trained sniffing dog and asks,
"What the heck is going on?"
The handler nervously replies,
"Sniffer just found a bomb!"
Buford walked into a doctor's
office and the receptionist asked him what he had.
Buford said, "Shingles."
So she took down his name, address, medical insurance
number and told him to have a seat. Fifteen minutes
later a nurse's aid came out and asked Buford what he
had. Buford said,
"Shingles." So she took
down his height, weight, a complete medical history
and told Buford to wait in the examining room. A
half-hour later a nurse came in and asked Buford what
he had. Buford said,
"Shingles." So she gave
Buford a blood test, a blood pressure test, an
electrocardiogram, told Buford to take off all his
clothes and wait for the doctor. An hour later the
doctor came in and asked Buford what he had. Buford
The doctor said, "Where?"
Buford said, "Outside
on the truck. Where do you want them?"
The Blind Golfer
A lady golfer who visits a driving range to
tone up before a game, is about to tee off, when
she notices the man next to her.
"Pardon me, sir" she
said. "You are aiming in the
wrong direction --- back towards the golf shop."
"Oi! - tanks for dat. Vitout
you, I vouldn't know. I'm blindt." He then
turns around and starts hitting out into the
range. After a few minutes, he asks the lady how
he is doing.
"Not bad." she
answers. "Most of your shots
are straight and fairly long. Only a few of them
"Tanks, again, Missus,"
he replies. "Vitout you
telling, I vouldn't know dese tings." A few
shots later, he enquires again.
"Do you mind I should ask a
"Not at all," she
"I don't do vell vit
the ladies. Am I ugly or fat?"
"You're quite presentable,"
she replies "I don't think
that should be a problem."
Smiling now, he exults "Vat
a relief. I vas always afraid to ask. Again, I got
to tank you."
He was about to hit another ball when the lady
interrupts him. "Do you mind
if I give you a bit of advice?" she asks
"Soitenly! Listen, I'll take
all de help what youv'e got I vill take."
"Lose the Jewish accent."