Bear News Beartown News

FEBRUARY 1, 2010



It's not whether you win or lose, but how you place the blame.
You are not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
We have enough youth. How about a fountain of 'smart'?
The original point and click interface   was a Smith & Wesson.
A fool and his money  
can throw one hell of a party.
When blondes have more fun, do they know it?
Five days a week my body is a temple. The other two it's an amusement park.
Learn from your parents' mistakes USE BIRTH CONTROL
Money isn't everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.
Don't Drink and Drive
You might hit a bump and spill something.
If at first you don't succeed
skydiving is not for you.
Reality is only an illusion
that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.
Time's fun when you're having flies.  .........Kermit the Frog
We are born naked, wet and hungry.
Then things get worse.
Red meat is not bad for you. 
Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.
Ninety-nine percent of all lawyers
give the rest a bad name.
Friends don't let friends take ugly
people home.
Xerox and Wurlitzer will merge
to produce reproductive organs.
Alabama state motto:  
At least we're not Mississippi

Gaseous clouds have been detected
around Uranus.
GUN CONTROL: using both hands
The more I learn about terrorism, the more I understand the phone company.
The latest survey shows that
three out of four people make
up 75% of the population.
Calling an illegal alien an 'undocumented immigrant' is like calling a drug dealer an 'unlicensed pharmacist'.

I tried to call the zoo the other day but all the lions were busy.


A teacher was arrested today at John F.  Kennedy International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule, and a calculator.
At a morning press conference, the Attorney General said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.
'"Al-Gebra is a problem for us," the Attorney General said.
"They derive solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values. They use secret code names like 'X' and 'Y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns,' but we have determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country."
As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, "There are 3 sides to every triangle."
When asked to comment on the arrest, President Obama said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, he would have given us more fingers and toes." White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the President. It is believed that the Nobel Prize for Physics will follow.




Copyright 2000 Claude Dern, All Rights Reserved
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