HUMOR
THE WISDOM OF OUR TIMES
It's not whether you win or lose, but
how you place the blame.
You are not drunk if you can lie on the
floor without holding on.
We have enough youth.
How about a fountain of 'smart'?
The original point and click interface
was a Smith & Wesson.
A fool and his money
can throw one hell of a party.
When
blondes have more fun, do they know it?
Five days a week my body is a temple. The other two
it's an amusement park.
Learn from
your parents' mistakes USE BIRTH CONTROL
Money
isn't everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.
Don't Drink and Drive
You might hit a bump and spill something.
If at first you don't succeed
skydiving is not for you.
Reality is only an illusion
that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.
Time's fun when you're having
flies. .........Kermit the Frog
We are born naked, wet and hungry.
Then things get worse.
Red meat is not bad for you.
Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.
Ninety-nine percent of all lawyers
give the rest a bad name.
Friends don't let friends take ugly
people
home.
Xerox and Wurlitzer will merge
to produce reproductive organs.
Alabama state motto:
At least we're not
Mississippi
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Gaseous clouds have been detected
around Uranus.
ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE IS NO
MATCH FOR NATURAL STUPIDITY.
GUN CONTROL: using both hands
The more I learn about terrorism, the
more I understand the phone company.
The latest survey shows that
three out of four people make
up 75% of the population.
Calling an illegal alien an
'undocumented immigrant'
is like calling a drug dealer an
'unlicensed pharmacist'.
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I tried to call the zoo the other day but all the
lions
were busy.
HILLARY
A Republican cowboy from Texas attends a social function where
Hillary Clinton is attending, and trying to gather more support
for her nomination.
Once she discovers the cowboy is a Republican, she
starts to belittle him by talking in a southern drawl
and single syllable words.
As she was doing that, she kept swatting at some flies
that were buzzing around her head.
The cowboy says,
"Y'all havin' some problem with them circle flies?"
She stopped talking and said,
"Well yes, if that's what they're called. But I've
never heard of circle flies."
"Well ma'am,"
the cowboy replies,
"circle flies hang around ranches. They're called
circle flies because they're almost always found
circling around the back end of a horse."
"Oh,"
Hillary replies as she goes back to rambling. But, a
moment later she stops and bluntly asks,
"Are you calling me a horse's ass?"
"No, ma'am,"
the cowboy replies,
"I
have too much respect for citizens of New York to call
their Senator a horse's ass."
"That's a good thing,"
she responds and begins rambling on once more.
After a long pause, the cowboy, in his best Texas drawl says,
"Hard to
fool them flies though."
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DID SOMEBODY SAY
BEARTOWN |
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