Bear News Beartown News

FEBRUARY 1, 2008



It's not whether you win or lose, but how you place the blame.
You are not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
We have enough youth. How about a fountain of 'smart'?
The original point and click interface   was a Smith & Wesson.
A fool and his money  
can throw one hell of a party.
When blondes have more fun, do they know it?
Five days a week my body is a temple. The other two it's an amusement park.
Learn from your parents' mistakes USE BIRTH CONTROL
Money isn't everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.
Don't Drink and Drive
You might hit a bump and spill something.
If at first you don't succeed
skydiving is not for you.
Reality is only an illusion
that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.
Time's fun when you're having flies.  .........Kermit the Frog
We are born naked, wet and hungry.
Then things get worse.
Red meat is not bad for you. 
Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.
Ninety-nine percent of all lawyers
give the rest a bad name.
Friends don't let friends take ugly
people home.
Xerox and Wurlitzer will merge
to produce reproductive organs.
Alabama state motto:  
At least we're not Mississippi

Gaseous clouds have been detected
around Uranus.
GUN CONTROL: using both hands
The more I learn about terrorism, the more I understand the phone company.
The latest survey shows that
three out of four people make
up 75% of the population.
Calling an illegal alien an 'undocumented immigrant' is like calling a drug dealer an 'unlicensed pharmacist'.

I tried to call the zoo the other day but all the lions were busy.


A Republican cowboy from Texas attends a social function where Hillary Clinton is attending, and trying to gather more support for her nomination.

Once she discovers the cowboy is a Republican, she starts to belittle him by talking in a southern drawl and single syllable words.

As she was doing that, she kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around her head.  

The cowboy says, "Y'all havin' some problem with them circle flies?"

She stopped talking and said, "Well yes, if that's what they're called.  But I've never heard of circle flies."

"Well ma'am," the cowboy replies, "circle flies hang around ranches.   They're called circle flies because they're almost always found circling around the back end of a horse."

"Oh," Hillary replies as she goes back to rambling. But, a moment later she stops and bluntly asks, "Are you calling me a horse's ass?"

"No, ma'am," the cowboy replies, "I have too much respect for citizens of New York to call their Senator a horse's ass."

"That's a good thing," she responds and begins rambling on once more.

After a long pause, the cowboy, in his best Texas drawl says, "Hard to fool them flies though."



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