Bear News Beartown News

FEBRUARY 1, 2005



Sitting by the window of her convent, Sister Barbara opened a letter from home one evening. Inside the letter was a $100 bill her parents had sent.
Sister Barbara smiled at the gesture. As she read the letter by the window, she noticed a shabbily dressed stranger leaning against the lamp post below.
Quickly, she wrote, "Don't despair. Sister Barbara," on a piece of paper, wrapped the $100 bill in it, got the man's attention and tossed it out the window to him. The stranger picked it up, and with a puzzled expression and a tip of his hat, went off down the street.
The next day, Sister Barbara was told that a man was at her door, insisting on seeing her. She went down, and found the stranger waiting. Without a word, he handed her a huge wad of $100 bills.

"What's this?" she asked. "That's the $8,000 you have coming Sister," he replied. "Don't Despair paid 80-to-1."

Presidential Advice

One night, G. W. Bush was awakened by George Washington's ghost.
Bush saw him and asked,
"George, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?"
"Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did," advised George.
The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moved through the dark bedroom.
"Tom, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?" Bush asked.
"Cut taxes and reduce the size of government," advised Tom.
Bush didn't sleep well the next night, and saw yet another figure moving in the shadows. It was Abraham Lincoln's ghost.
"Abe, what is the best thing I could do for the country?" Bush asked.
"Go to the theater," replied Abe.


A local business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window saying:
HELP WANTED Must be a good typist and be good with a computer. Successful applicant must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity  Employer.
A short time later a lovely Black Lab dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside. He looked at the receptionist  and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it, whined and pawed the air.
The receptionist called the office manager. He was surprised, to say the least to see a canine applicant.   However, the dog looked
determined, so he led him into the office. Inside, the dog jumped up on a chair and stared at the manager expectantly.
The manager said,
"I can't hire you. The sign says you must be able to type." The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to quickly type a perfect business letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the manager gave it to him, then jumped back up on the chair.
The manager was stunned, but told the dog,
"That was fantastic, but I'm sorry. The sign clearly says that whoever I hire has to be good
with a computer."

The dog jumped down again, went to the computer and proceeded to demonstrate his expertise with various programs, produced a sample spreadsheet and database, then presented them to the manager.
The manager was dumbfounded! He said to the dog,
"Hey, I realize that you are a very intelligent applicant and have fantastic talent, but you're a dog -- no way could I hire you."
The dog jumped down and went to the sign in the window and pointed his paw at the words, "Equal Opportunity Employer."
The exasperated manager said,
"Yes, I know what the damned sign says. But the sign also says you have to be bilingual."
The dog looked him straight in the eye and said,

If you lived here, you'd be home now.



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