Bear News Beartown News

December 1, 2008


The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.   He acquired his size from too much pi.
I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.
A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
Two silk worms had a race.  They ended up in a tie.
Time flies like an arrow.  Fruit flies like a banana.
A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

"Never look down on anyone unless you're helping them up."
. . . Jesse Jackson


Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, "You stay here.  I'll go on a-head."
I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger.  Then it hit me.
A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: "Keep off the Grass."
A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital.  The boy's grandmother telephoned, and the nurse said, "No change yet."
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium, at large.
The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
A backward poet writes in-verse.
In democracy it's your vote that counts.  In feudalism it's your count that votes.
When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
Don't join dangerous cults -- practice safe sects!



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