Bear News Beartown News

DECEMBER 1, 2005

HUMOR

WHAT IS A GRANDPARENT?
(taken from papers written by a class of 8-year-olds)

Grandparents are a lady and a man who have no little children of her own. They like other people's.
A grandfather is a man grandmother.
Grandparents don't have to do anything except be there when we come to see them. They are so old they shouldn't play hard or run. It is good if they drive us to the store and have lots of quarters for us.
When they take us for walks, they slow down past things like pretty leaves and caterpillars.
They show us and talk to us about the color of the flowers and also Why we shouldn't step on "cracks."
They don't say, "Hurry up."
Usually grandmothers are fat, but not too fat to tie your shoes.
They wear glasses and funny underwear.
They can take their teeth and gums out.
Grandparents don't have to be smart.
They have to answer questions like "why isn't God married?" and "How come dogs chase cats?".
When they read to us, they don't skip. They don't mind if we ask for the same story over again.
Everybody should try to have a grandmother, especially if you don't have television, because they are the only grown ups who like to spend time with us.
They know we should have snack-time before bedtime and they say prayers with us every time, and kiss us even when we've acted bad.
A 6 YEAR OLD WAS ASKED WHERE HIS GRANDMA LIVED. ''OH,'' HE SAID, ''SHE LIVES AT THE AIRPORT, AND WHEN WE WANT HER WE JUST GO GET HER. THEN WHEN WE'RE DONE HAVING HER VISIT, WE TAKE HER BACK TO THE AIRPORT.''

It's funny when they bend over, you hear gas leaks and they blame their dog."

 

        How To Avoid The FLU


Eat right!
Make sure you get your daily dose of
fruits and veggies.
Take your vitamins and bump up your vitamin C.
Get plenty of exercise because
exercise helps build your immune system.
Walk for at least an hour a day
Go for a swim
Take the stairs instead of the lift
Wash your hands often.
If you can't wash them,
keep a bottle of antibacterial stuff around.
Get lots of fresh air.
Open doors & windows whenever possible.
Try to eliminate as much stress
from your life as you can.
Get plenty of rest.
OR,
Take the doctor's approach.
Think about it...
When you go for a shot,
what do they do first?
They Clean your arm with alcohol...
Why?
Because Alcohol KILLS GERMS.
So.......
I walk to the liquor store. (exercise)
I put lime in my Gin...(fruit)
Celery in my Bloody Mary...(veggies)

Drink outdoors on the bar patio.. .(fresh air)
Tell jokes, laugh...(eliminate stress)
Then pass out...(rest)
The way I see it....
If you keep your alcohol levels up,
flu germs can't get you!
My American grandmother always said:
"A shot in the glass
is better than one in the "ass!" 
Live Well - Laugh Often - Love Lots


CHARM SCHOOL

Two nicely dressed ladies happened to start up a conversation during an endless wait in the LAX airport.
The first lady was an arrogant California woman married to a wealthy man.
The second was a well mannered elderly woman from the South.
When the conversation centered on whether they had any children, the California woman started by saying "When my first child was born, my husband built a beautiful mansion for me."  The lady from the South
commented, "Well, isn't that precious?
The first woman continued, "When my second child was born, my husband bought me a beautiful Mercedes-Benz."  Again, the lady from the South commented, "Well, isn't that precious?
The first woman continued boasting, "Then, when my third child was born, my husband bought me this exquisite diamond bracelet."  Yet again, the Southern lady commented, "Well, isn't that precious?
The first woman then asked her companion, "What did your husband buy for you when you had your first child?"
"My husband sent me to charm school," declared the Southern lady.  "Charm
School?"
the first woman cried, "Oh my God! What on earth for?" 
The Southern lady responded, "Well for one thing, instead of saying  "Who gives a damn?" I learned to say, "Well, isn't that precious?"

DID SOMEBODY SAY
BEARTOWN


Email: dernc@sover.net


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