humor7-01.htm

HUMOR

AT the DRUG STORE

A lady walks into a drug store and tells the pharmacist she needs some cyanide.
The pharmacist said, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"
The lady then explained she needed it to poison her husband.
The pharmacist's eyes got big and he said, "Lord have mercy. I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law!
They'll throw both of us in jail and I'll lose my license."
Then the lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife and handed it to the pharmacist.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now, you didn't tell me you had a prescription."

A NEW TWIST TO SOME OLD WORDS:

Catacomb - I saw Don King at da fight the other night. Man, somebody get that catacomb.
Foreclose - If I pay alimony today, I got no money foreclose.
Rectum - I had two Cadillac's, but my wife rectum both.
Disappointment - My parole officer tol' me if I miss disappointment they gonna send me back to the joint.
Penis - I went to the doctors and he handed me a cup and said penis.
Israel - Tito try to sell me a Rolex. I say, "man, it look fake."
He say, "Bullsh*t, that watch israel".....
Undermine - There's a fine lookin' woman who live in the apartment undermine.
Acoustic - When I was little, my uncle bought me acoustic and took me to the poolhall.
Iraq - When we got to the poolhall, I tol' my uncle, iraq, you break.
Stain - My momma in law stopped by and I axed her, "You plan on stain for dinner?"
Fortify - I axed this hooker on da street, "how much?" she say "fortify."

How well does Cold Water clean ?

A man went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a very secluded, rural area of the state. After spending the night, his grandfather prepared
breakfast for him consisting of eggs and bacon.
He noticed a film-like substance on his plate and he questioned his grandfather....... "are these plates clean?"
His grandfather replied...."those plates are as clean as Cold Water can get them so go on and finish your meal."
That afternoon, while eating the hamburgers his grandfather made for lunch, he noticed tiny specks around the edge of his plate, and a substance that looked like dried egg yokes....so he asked again "Are you sure these plates are clean?"
Without looking up from his burger, the grandfather says......"I told you before, those dishes are as clean as Cold Water can get them, now don't ask me about it anymore!"
Later that afternoon, as he was on his way out to get the paper, the dog started to growl and would not let him pass....... "Grandfather, your dog won't let me out," he complained.
Without diverting his attention from the football game, his Grandfather shouted ........ "Coldwater, Move!

PARKING TICKET

I went to the store the other day, and I was in there for only about 5 minutes. When I came out there was a motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket. So I went up to him and said, "Come on, buddy, how about giving a guy a break?"
He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I called him a Nazi. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for worn tires! So I called him a piece of horse pooh.
He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket!
This went on for about 20 minutes... the more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote.
I didn't care.... My car was parked around the corner.
Try to have a little fun each day. It's important.

If you lived here, you'd be home now.

DID SOMEBODY SAY
BEARTOWN

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