One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift.   
The next year, he didn't buy her a gift. 
When she asked him why, he replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!" 
And that's how the fight started.....  

My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have sex?' 
'No,' she answered. 
I then said, 'Is that your final answer?' 
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying 'Yes.' 
So I said, 'Then I'd like to phone a friend.' 
And that's when the fight started...  

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.. 'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.' 
He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?' 
'Nah, she can order for herself.' 
And that's when the fight started...... 

THE BROKEN LAWN MOWER 
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. 
But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the truck, the car, playing golf, 
Always something more important to me. 
Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. 
I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, 'When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway.' 
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp!