Bear News Beartown News

NOVEMBER 1, 2009

HUMOR
STIMULUS  PACKAGE

An 18 year old Italian girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for 2 months.
Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit.
The test result indicates that the girl is pregnant.
Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, 'Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!'
The girl picks up the phone and makes a call.
Half an hour later, a Ferrari stops in front of their house. A mature and distinguished man with grey hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of a Ferrari and enters the house. He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them:
'Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I will take charge.
I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life. Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath a Ferrari, 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beach front villa, and a $2,000,000 bank account.
If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $4,000,000 bank account. If twins, they will receive a factory and $2,000,000 each. However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?'
At this point, the father, who had remained silent holding a shot gun, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him  ...
'You gonna try again.

I just had a call from a local charity, asking me to donate some of my clothes to the starving people throughout the world.
I told them to *$^+ off!!

Anybody who fits into my clothes sure as Hell
isn't starving!!


BREAKING NEWS:

This just in!!!
Obama wins the Heisman Trophy after watching a college football game!!!


THAT'S  LIFE

Last night, one of my best friends and I were sitting in my living room and I said to her, I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.
She got up, unplugged the computer, and threw out my wine.
She's such a bitch.
 


DID SOMEBODY SAY
BEARTOWN


Email: dernc@sover.net


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