vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons.
The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir,
only one carrion allowed per passenger."
2. Two fish swim into a concrete
wall. One turns to the other and says "Dam!"
3. Two Eskimos sitting in a
kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft.
Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't
have your kayak and heat it too.
4. Two hydrogen atoms meet.
One says, "I've lost my Electron." The other says "Are you
sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive."
5. Did you hear about the Buddhist
who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal:
transcend dental medication.
6. A group of chess
enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the
lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After
about an hour, the manager came out of the office and
asked them to disperse. "But why?", they asked, as they
moved off. "Because," he said," I can't stand chess-nuts
boasting in an open foyer."
7. A woman has twins and gives them up for
adoption. One of them goes to Spain , they name him
"Juan"; the other went to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal."
Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth
mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband
that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her
husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan,
you've seen Ahmal."
A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened
up a small florist shop to raise funds Since everyone liked to buy
flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the
competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but
they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They
ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest
and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up
the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't
close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh
can prevent florist friars.
9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot
most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his
feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his
odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him (Oh, man, this is
so bad, it's good) a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten
different puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns
would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
DID SOMEBODY SAY