NOVEMBER 1, 2003
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A NIGHT OUT
Old Muldoon is out with his buddies - has a few drinks, gets horny - but, true to his wife, goes home. He finds her sound asleep in bed with her mouth wide open, gets two aspirin and drops them in her mouth.
Of course she chokes but recovers and asks, "What did you put in my mouth??"
He says, "Two aspirin."
She replies, "BUT I DON'T HAVE A HEADACHE !!!!"
He says, - "That's what I wanted to hear."
The CEO was scheduled to speak at an important convention so he asked one of his employees, Jenkins, to write him a punch, 20-minute speech. When the CEO returned from the big event, he was furious.
"What's the idea of writing me an hour-long speech?", he demanded. "Half the audience walked out before I finished."
Jenkins was baffled. "I wrote you a 20-minute speech," he replied. "I also gave you the two extra copies you asked for."
To celebrate 50 years of marriage a couple, both avid
golfers, booked a golfing weekend at St. Andrews. On the
third tee, the husband said,
"Darling, I have to confess something. Twenty years ago I
had a brief affair. It meant nothing. I hope that you can
One afternoon, a wealthy
lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw
two men eating grass by the road side. He ordered his
driver to stop, and he got out to investigate.
"Why are you eating grass?"
he asked one man.
"Bring them along!" replied the lawyer.
He turned to the other man and said: "You come with us, too."
"But I have a wife and six children," the second man answered.
"Bring them as well" replied the lawyer. They all climbed into the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine.
Once underway, one of the poor fellows said: "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."
The lawyer replied: "Glad to do it. You'll love my place; the grass is almost a foot tall."
If you lived here, you'd be home now.
Copyright 2000 Claude Dern, All Rights Reserved
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